As a life coach I help people to understand the value of living in the moment, you know, the “Zen” way of being. I offer helpful exercises to learn the art of removing one’s ego from certain situations and allowing the outcome. And to my credit, I practice what I preach as much as humanly possible – okay, maybe not to that extreme, but as much as possible for whom I am in this moment. But every now and then I slip, and I do fine job of messing things up! I view it as my way of fostering an awareness of my clients’ challenges. (Yes, there’s always an upside!)
Five weeks ago I was enjoying the peaceful charm of my garden while potting water plants for the pond and annuals around my deck. Ahhh, the sound of the running water, the feel of the cool breeze and warm sun, the smell of newly blossomed flowers, the sights of nature in its state of awakening; what more could a nature lover ask for? Enter – the dogs. Not little dogs, no my dogs are large and unruly. They love to play-fight and when they do - look out; there are a combined 180 pounds of unruly hulk lashing around like a tornado. That day was no exception and I suddenly felt angry about the rude interruption.
On a typical day, I would have calmed myself with a deep breath and taken the dogs inside or gotten them to settle down without much of a change in my pleasant state of mind. But on this day I chose to ignore them and stew in my own concoction of anger, frustration, and self-pity. Woe is me. Not a few seconds later I stepped down the single deck stair, twisted my ankle and fell flat onto the flagstone path. Yikes, did that hurt! I’m still hobbling around on a sprained ankle.
I know, in all confidence, that had I been “present” and focused on the task at hand, rather than my anger and frustration, I would not have suffered this inconvenient and painful blow to my ankle. “What a great observation to share on my blog,” I realized the other day. People are always asking for examples of living in the moment. This is only one type of example, but boy – do I wish I would have chosen to live that moment quite differently!
How can you make different choices through out your day? The next time you’re challenged by an inconvenience or interruption, and you feel a negative emotion arise, think about your emotional choices. Are anger and frustration really an outlet or is allowing the moment and focusing on something pleasant a healthier choice? Share your experiences here!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Achieving Goals – The Ten Magic Steps!
I just posted my article, 10-Steps to Focus and Completion; Planning Your Plan on the Sparkplugging blog. I’m so excited because writing that article has been on my goals list for a while – ironic huh? This year has been a huge turning point for me. I’ve created phase 2 of my business plan AND I’m doing it! How? By understanding what inspires and motivates me to complete tasks and goals. Also, by wanting it badly enough and with these little tricks to maintain focus.
The really exciting part is that I have reinforced my belief in the value of coaching. Having that accountability, being unwilling to go into my coaching sessions without having achieved my goals, and realizing that I don’t want to let myself down, have been 3 critical factors in achieving my plans. In terms of wanting it badly enough, I spent time thinking, writing and daydreaming about these achievements and created a true “feel good” state that I can tap into when I need motivation. I like being in that state and “feeling” the completion and rewards that are waiting for me at the end of this phase 2.
What would you like to get off your task list or out of your brain and into the reality zone? Do you have a dream for yourself or your business? It doesn’t have to be huge, perhaps just the next step. It’s SO important to have dreams and little goals in life that we can aspire to. Maybe it’s simply taking a vacation, or perhaps you’d like to find a job you love or write the book that’s been brewing in your mind for 3 years. If you’re not doing it stop now and ask yourself why? Write down the reason or reasons. Now, take a good look at those reasons; are they valid reasons or excuses? Odds are, they’re excuses that you’ve created “reasons” around. “The kids keep me too busy,” or “there isn’t such a thing as a job I could love.” Excuses. If you’re “too busy” then organize your time so that you can take one or two hours a week to pay attention to your dreams. If you have a small goal, like writing an article or going shopping for yourself, remember that these things are a part of the whole. Writing your article is a growth step for you and your business, buying that new outfit is about placing value on yourself and taking time to appreciate YOU. These are important tasks; you need to know that to inspire yourself to achieve completion.
If you’re ready for the next step, read my 10-steps at sparkplugging and take what will help you. Give your dreams the focus that they deserve – you’re worth it and you will thank yourself for it.
The really exciting part is that I have reinforced my belief in the value of coaching. Having that accountability, being unwilling to go into my coaching sessions without having achieved my goals, and realizing that I don’t want to let myself down, have been 3 critical factors in achieving my plans. In terms of wanting it badly enough, I spent time thinking, writing and daydreaming about these achievements and created a true “feel good” state that I can tap into when I need motivation. I like being in that state and “feeling” the completion and rewards that are waiting for me at the end of this phase 2.
What would you like to get off your task list or out of your brain and into the reality zone? Do you have a dream for yourself or your business? It doesn’t have to be huge, perhaps just the next step. It’s SO important to have dreams and little goals in life that we can aspire to. Maybe it’s simply taking a vacation, or perhaps you’d like to find a job you love or write the book that’s been brewing in your mind for 3 years. If you’re not doing it stop now and ask yourself why? Write down the reason or reasons. Now, take a good look at those reasons; are they valid reasons or excuses? Odds are, they’re excuses that you’ve created “reasons” around. “The kids keep me too busy,” or “there isn’t such a thing as a job I could love.” Excuses. If you’re “too busy” then organize your time so that you can take one or two hours a week to pay attention to your dreams. If you have a small goal, like writing an article or going shopping for yourself, remember that these things are a part of the whole. Writing your article is a growth step for you and your business, buying that new outfit is about placing value on yourself and taking time to appreciate YOU. These are important tasks; you need to know that to inspire yourself to achieve completion.
If you’re ready for the next step, read my 10-steps at sparkplugging and take what will help you. Give your dreams the focus that they deserve – you’re worth it and you will thank yourself for it.
Monday, June 16, 2008
The Stress of Longing For What’s NOT!
I’m sitting outside at my favorite Caribou Coffee location. There’s a lovely breeze and the dark roast is perfect! Ah, the comforts of home and the delight of a well-brewed cup-‘o-joe.
The last 5 mornings at a wonderful conference near Denver stood in the way of my morning coffee indulgance as the "coffee" was, ummm, not very tasty. Now, you have to understand that we’re not just talking coffee here. This comes from a woman who once owned a lovely coffeehouse and who has studied the origin and regional make up of various blends and beans offered in the American marketplace. You may think of this as trivial, but coffee is far more than a caffeine boost to this lover of the exotic elixir. It’s a magical experience that takes me to far away lands and dances on my taste buds to awaken me each morning and puts a smile on my face. Ah, (pausing for a sip)! So, it’s rather remarkable that I felt ok about sipping on that weak, bitter, hotel blend for 5 mornings in a row. In fact, I gave it little thought, and THAT is pretty amazing.
And that’s not all. The accommodations were, well, let’s say “unfortunate.” In the midst of a major remodel throughout, the hotel was toxic with dust and fumes and, frankly, it was a mess. Yuck! Oh, did I mention that we had no rental car and the hotel was out near the airport with few options for entertainment and dining in the vicinity? I’m sure that you can imagine how this trip could have turned out, and there was some grumbling between me and my travel-buddy , but we both got past it and chose to spend this time accepting what is, rather than longing for what is not. Yay! What a concept!
So, what did that change for us? Well, certainly not the bad coffee or the quality of our accommodations, but it did change the experience drastically from what it might have been. Mostly because, we both had energy. By that I not only mean physical energy but the mental energy and clarity to spend 9-hour days absorbing vast amounts of valuable information. Our energies weren’t depleted by the negative aspects of our experience, but rather increased by the power of information and acceptance of “what is”. And, if you’re a believer of “energy” in the sense of what an individual exudes, we certainly kept that in the positive realm as well. Can you imagine spending 5 days with someone who is constantly whining about all of the negatives around them? Yuck! Thankfully, neither of us was subjected to that experience. What a lovely concept and what a positive choice we both made.
Yes, it was a choice and we all make these kinds of choices daily. Think about how many times during the day you choose to think negatively about the experience you’re in at the moment; we all do it. Waiting “too long” at a stop light or for your browser to load; enduring an inconvenient trip to the grocery store because you’ve run out of milk; taking more time than you’d like to listen to the musings of a client or co-worker. What physical sensations arise as the aggravation of such experiences surfaces? Does your stomach do a little flip-flop? Does your chest tighten or your jaws clench? Do you feel stress anywhere in your body? If you let these things get to you, then most certainly you do have stress in your body. Think about how much energy you are choosing to expend when you welcome that kind of stress into your environment. I’m here to tell you – it’s a lot.
Think of these bits of energy as golden coins and your body as a bank. For every negative thought and reaction you might have throughout the day, you are spending those precious golden coins. It’s akin to spending $80 or more at the gas pump to fill up your SUV. Yikes, imagine doing that 20 or more times a day! But if you choose to watch the child and mother laughing as they cross the street instead of counting the seconds you spend at the stoplight, you are making a deposit into your precious bank account. AND, you get to spend it on something you can savor and enjoy!
It’s really not all that difficult, why not try it? The next time you feel that familiar surge of stress in your body, look around for a simple thing to take pleasure in. There’s always something, trust me. Start by doing this once or twice a day and build your way up. Feel the change in your body, perhaps in your health. Certainly you will feel a change in your mental health! Then, cash in some of those golden coins on a stress-free and well-deserved evening with the kids or walk in the woods. Ah, the comforts of home!
The last 5 mornings at a wonderful conference near Denver stood in the way of my morning coffee indulgance as the "coffee" was, ummm, not very tasty. Now, you have to understand that we’re not just talking coffee here. This comes from a woman who once owned a lovely coffeehouse and who has studied the origin and regional make up of various blends and beans offered in the American marketplace. You may think of this as trivial, but coffee is far more than a caffeine boost to this lover of the exotic elixir. It’s a magical experience that takes me to far away lands and dances on my taste buds to awaken me each morning and puts a smile on my face. Ah, (pausing for a sip)! So, it’s rather remarkable that I felt ok about sipping on that weak, bitter, hotel blend for 5 mornings in a row. In fact, I gave it little thought, and THAT is pretty amazing.
And that’s not all. The accommodations were, well, let’s say “unfortunate.” In the midst of a major remodel throughout, the hotel was toxic with dust and fumes and, frankly, it was a mess. Yuck! Oh, did I mention that we had no rental car and the hotel was out near the airport with few options for entertainment and dining in the vicinity? I’m sure that you can imagine how this trip could have turned out, and there was some grumbling between me and my travel-buddy , but we both got past it and chose to spend this time accepting what is, rather than longing for what is not. Yay! What a concept!
So, what did that change for us? Well, certainly not the bad coffee or the quality of our accommodations, but it did change the experience drastically from what it might have been. Mostly because, we both had energy. By that I not only mean physical energy but the mental energy and clarity to spend 9-hour days absorbing vast amounts of valuable information. Our energies weren’t depleted by the negative aspects of our experience, but rather increased by the power of information and acceptance of “what is”. And, if you’re a believer of “energy” in the sense of what an individual exudes, we certainly kept that in the positive realm as well. Can you imagine spending 5 days with someone who is constantly whining about all of the negatives around them? Yuck! Thankfully, neither of us was subjected to that experience. What a lovely concept and what a positive choice we both made.
Yes, it was a choice and we all make these kinds of choices daily. Think about how many times during the day you choose to think negatively about the experience you’re in at the moment; we all do it. Waiting “too long” at a stop light or for your browser to load; enduring an inconvenient trip to the grocery store because you’ve run out of milk; taking more time than you’d like to listen to the musings of a client or co-worker. What physical sensations arise as the aggravation of such experiences surfaces? Does your stomach do a little flip-flop? Does your chest tighten or your jaws clench? Do you feel stress anywhere in your body? If you let these things get to you, then most certainly you do have stress in your body. Think about how much energy you are choosing to expend when you welcome that kind of stress into your environment. I’m here to tell you – it’s a lot.
Think of these bits of energy as golden coins and your body as a bank. For every negative thought and reaction you might have throughout the day, you are spending those precious golden coins. It’s akin to spending $80 or more at the gas pump to fill up your SUV. Yikes, imagine doing that 20 or more times a day! But if you choose to watch the child and mother laughing as they cross the street instead of counting the seconds you spend at the stoplight, you are making a deposit into your precious bank account. AND, you get to spend it on something you can savor and enjoy!
It’s really not all that difficult, why not try it? The next time you feel that familiar surge of stress in your body, look around for a simple thing to take pleasure in. There’s always something, trust me. Start by doing this once or twice a day and build your way up. Feel the change in your body, perhaps in your health. Certainly you will feel a change in your mental health! Then, cash in some of those golden coins on a stress-free and well-deserved evening with the kids or walk in the woods. Ah, the comforts of home!
Monday, April 28, 2008
The Curse of the Female Entrepreneur
I’m creating a new website for my business. Well, that’s another story all together, but it sure is a process that’s creating a lot of awareness’s for me. Thinking of themes, image, creating just the right words that will convey just the right message. It’s a tricky process, but one that I’m enjoying….as much as one can enjoy trying to put their message in a single sentence (because that’s about all people really read).
I really want to reach out to the “successful” female entrepreneur; "successful" being a loose term because everyone defines success differently. While money may be a common factor in most people’s definition of success, the amount of money varies and the key factors and definition of success also vary: depending on the individual and her/his values and goals. The things that get in the way of each person’s success also vary. But many of my female clients share a common thread: they feel that they have to do it all. That’s right, many female entrepreneurs don’t consider themselves successful unless they continue to keep a clean house, cook great meals, satisfy all of their kids’ and husbands’ essential needs, remain the glue that holds the extended family together, “be there” for their girlfriends, AND operate a flawless and thriving business. Doesn’t sound too overwhelming, does it? That is if you forget about your own needs and subsist on about 3 hours of sleep a night.
During an exercise to find the common denominators in many of the women I’ve coached, I confirmed my suspicion that many women carry this curse: “If I am not Superwoman, then I will let everyone down and my world will fall apart.” Furthermore, many women believe that if they “let everyone down” then they are not successful and no one in their family and circle of friends will survive properly without their constant and unyielding support. Wow! Where did we learn this about ourselves? Why is it that we don’t understand that if we continue to tip the scales, somewhere along the way we lose balance? I guess this must be a leftover remnant of belief systems from generations past…and I can honestly say that it has to change to save the sanity and health of the modern female entrepreneur. These are the people I hope to reach through my new Internet presence. I want to help women business owners learn to take better care of themselves without sacrificing the integrity of their relationships and their business. It can be done – really it can!
As a coach, there is nothing more fulfilling to me than to hear my client say that their life has changed in a positive way. To hear the excitement in a woman’s voice when she reports that she slept in on Sunday and the kids brought her breakfast in bed; or that she’s been going to the gym regularly again and met a girlfriend for lunch…ahhhh, music to this coach’s ears! The “curse” begins to lift, the clouds part, and the client’s life begins to feel like a real life again – yippee! The really great news is that no one and nothing, not even the business, has to suffer during this process. Ahhh, life is good!
Do you operate under the shadow of the “curse”? For a quick test, ask yourself what is most important to you in life: the kids, your marriage, good health, spirituality, having fun, etc. Then ask how much time you spend satisfying this value or need. If you spend an insufficient amount of time in the area that is most important to your happiness and well-being, then take a look at the big picture and look for the balance. Is it there? If not, you can regain your life balance (or for some create it for the first time ever).
Stop by my website - LifeMapCoaching.net and ask for a complimentary coaching session. Let’s begin to balance those scales and help you to find you again!
I really want to reach out to the “successful” female entrepreneur; "successful" being a loose term because everyone defines success differently. While money may be a common factor in most people’s definition of success, the amount of money varies and the key factors and definition of success also vary: depending on the individual and her/his values and goals. The things that get in the way of each person’s success also vary. But many of my female clients share a common thread: they feel that they have to do it all. That’s right, many female entrepreneurs don’t consider themselves successful unless they continue to keep a clean house, cook great meals, satisfy all of their kids’ and husbands’ essential needs, remain the glue that holds the extended family together, “be there” for their girlfriends, AND operate a flawless and thriving business. Doesn’t sound too overwhelming, does it? That is if you forget about your own needs and subsist on about 3 hours of sleep a night.
During an exercise to find the common denominators in many of the women I’ve coached, I confirmed my suspicion that many women carry this curse: “If I am not Superwoman, then I will let everyone down and my world will fall apart.” Furthermore, many women believe that if they “let everyone down” then they are not successful and no one in their family and circle of friends will survive properly without their constant and unyielding support. Wow! Where did we learn this about ourselves? Why is it that we don’t understand that if we continue to tip the scales, somewhere along the way we lose balance? I guess this must be a leftover remnant of belief systems from generations past…and I can honestly say that it has to change to save the sanity and health of the modern female entrepreneur. These are the people I hope to reach through my new Internet presence. I want to help women business owners learn to take better care of themselves without sacrificing the integrity of their relationships and their business. It can be done – really it can!
As a coach, there is nothing more fulfilling to me than to hear my client say that their life has changed in a positive way. To hear the excitement in a woman’s voice when she reports that she slept in on Sunday and the kids brought her breakfast in bed; or that she’s been going to the gym regularly again and met a girlfriend for lunch…ahhhh, music to this coach’s ears! The “curse” begins to lift, the clouds part, and the client’s life begins to feel like a real life again – yippee! The really great news is that no one and nothing, not even the business, has to suffer during this process. Ahhh, life is good!
Do you operate under the shadow of the “curse”? For a quick test, ask yourself what is most important to you in life: the kids, your marriage, good health, spirituality, having fun, etc. Then ask how much time you spend satisfying this value or need. If you spend an insufficient amount of time in the area that is most important to your happiness and well-being, then take a look at the big picture and look for the balance. Is it there? If not, you can regain your life balance (or for some create it for the first time ever).
Stop by my website - LifeMapCoaching.net and ask for a complimentary coaching session. Let’s begin to balance those scales and help you to find you again!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Ever Had a Re-epiphany?
That’s what I called it; a re-epiphany. Having an epiphany is always a good thing, but having a re-epiphany reawakened me to my purpose as a coach. Wow!
About 3 months ago I created a plan. I love creating plans, but I will admit to you that I don’t always love following through with my well thought-out plans.... The curse of an entrepreneurial mind! You see, entrepreneurs LOVE working the creative part of the brain. Oh yes, the right brain gets a work out while the left brain hemisphere sits around growing sluggish and fat with information waiting to bust out.
I told my coach about my plan to grow my business in a new direction; an epiphany that I'd had about the current direction of my business and where it needed to go. Gretchen is an amazing coach – also full of ideas and creativity … and she gets me. So she holds me accountable and prods me with lines that get my stubborn ego motivated to act. Exactly what I need and boy does she deliver! Thanks Gretchen! So, with my stubborn ego reporting to Gretchen every other week, I’ve been dutiful in moving forward and producing the products that I will soon be releasing to the world – yay!
But I got off track with another plan because again, you see, that’s what entrepreneurs do. Somehow, this other plan just didn’t feel good to me. For a whole week, I put my focus toward coaching sales people to improve their performance and results…yup, a whole week :). Luckily, it was only a week beforeI realized – hey – I’m off track, what happened to THE plan....This – was phase one of my re-epiphany. I got off track. “So what?” you might say. But you see - and I shout it from the rooftops - “I AM A COACH!” I’m a coach and I got off track. Is that supposed to happen to coaches? Isn’t that what I help my clients NOT to do? That stubborn ego was about ready to beat me up when phase two of the re-epiphany occurred. What a wonderful reminder of how important coaching really is. Everyone gets off track and that’s ok – really it is. But people like Gretchen and me help people get their caboose back on the track and I’m really proud of that.
So, take a little time out and think about your plan. Sometimes a reminder of our purpose, whether it’s in work, personal goals, relationships, or as a parent, simply gets us back on track and reminds us just how important our daily activities are in the big picture. Today, take some time to appreciate all of that hard work – give yourself a pat on the back. Heck, break out the champagne because YOU are unique and special. Celebrate yourself today!
About 3 months ago I created a plan. I love creating plans, but I will admit to you that I don’t always love following through with my well thought-out plans.... The curse of an entrepreneurial mind! You see, entrepreneurs LOVE working the creative part of the brain. Oh yes, the right brain gets a work out while the left brain hemisphere sits around growing sluggish and fat with information waiting to bust out.
I told my coach about my plan to grow my business in a new direction; an epiphany that I'd had about the current direction of my business and where it needed to go. Gretchen is an amazing coach – also full of ideas and creativity … and she gets me. So she holds me accountable and prods me with lines that get my stubborn ego motivated to act. Exactly what I need and boy does she deliver! Thanks Gretchen! So, with my stubborn ego reporting to Gretchen every other week, I’ve been dutiful in moving forward and producing the products that I will soon be releasing to the world – yay!
But I got off track with another plan because again, you see, that’s what entrepreneurs do. Somehow, this other plan just didn’t feel good to me. For a whole week, I put my focus toward coaching sales people to improve their performance and results…yup, a whole week :). Luckily, it was only a week beforeI realized – hey – I’m off track, what happened to THE plan....This – was phase one of my re-epiphany. I got off track. “So what?” you might say. But you see - and I shout it from the rooftops - “I AM A COACH!” I’m a coach and I got off track. Is that supposed to happen to coaches? Isn’t that what I help my clients NOT to do? That stubborn ego was about ready to beat me up when phase two of the re-epiphany occurred. What a wonderful reminder of how important coaching really is. Everyone gets off track and that’s ok – really it is. But people like Gretchen and me help people get their caboose back on the track and I’m really proud of that.
So, take a little time out and think about your plan. Sometimes a reminder of our purpose, whether it’s in work, personal goals, relationships, or as a parent, simply gets us back on track and reminds us just how important our daily activities are in the big picture. Today, take some time to appreciate all of that hard work – give yourself a pat on the back. Heck, break out the champagne because YOU are unique and special. Celebrate yourself today!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Every Day I Worry!
Every so often – well, quite often – I hear a client or acquaintance say something like “Every day I worry that [fill in the blank].” Oh, it might be that the dog will get sick, or the kids will be late for school. Perhaps that the wife or husband will get into a traffic accident or the plane will be late. I almost wonder if it doesn’t matter what the “blank” is, just so there’s something to worry about!
What I’ve discovered – in my humble opinion – is that worry, for some, is simply a state of being. Worriers have usually picked up the habit either from a parent, or from a series of bad experiences in their past. It becomes their default thought mechanism and a part of who they are. When I’m coaching a worrier, I might suggest that we work on changing the habit. After all, life is so much more pleasant when one doesn’t go through their day predicting a fatal outcome for every event. Well, from my perspective at least.
The interesting piece is that worriers rarely want to change the habit. I find that they “worry” about who they will be without this piece of their thought process in tact. It’s been a part of them for so long that they don’t know who they’ll be without it. I can understand that. If your mind is so busy with worry much of the time, what will you think about when you choose not to worry? Hummm, a dilemma – and really, it is a serious one. When a chronic worrier comes into coaching, I do have a few tricks that often work….
Certainly, EFT – The Emotional Freedom Technique – is number one in the bag of tricks. If we minimize or eliminate the emotional attachment to those negative memories, an individual can learn to let go of worry thinking. But then, what do we replace the worry thinking with? Well, positive thinking of course!
Even if you’re not a chronic worrier, try these things – it just feels good and you’ll find your energy taking upward spin. Begin with a gratitude journal. Every night take 5 or 10 minutes to write about the good things that happened during your day. Shoot for 3 or more things. Now, in the beginning that can feel like a stretch. But remember, you don’t have to win the lotto or a trip to Hawaii (although that may happen) to qualify your entry into a gratitude journal. It may be something like a stranger holding a door open for you or a beautiful butterfly that landed on your screen door. If you begin to truly embrace the beauty of these things, your energy will shift over time….probably sooner than you’d expect.
Another little exercise is to look for the pleasant things around you when you’re waiting at a stoplight or standing in line at the grocery store. A dad holding his toddler’s hand while walking down the sidewalk; a couple laughing over an “inside joke;” a grocery clerk going out of her way to help a customer. Notice the things you wouldn’t have paid attention to in the past…you’ll be amazed at the pleasant experiences that you’ll draw into your life.
There are many more ways to shift to positive thinking, but this is a good start. If you know a chronic worrier who wants to change, perhaps you can introduce them to a process or two that may help. They may benefit from the assistance of a life coach or a therapist, depending on how chronic the worrying is. Remember, suggesting help to someone who is ready is just another way of telling them that you care.
What I’ve discovered – in my humble opinion – is that worry, for some, is simply a state of being. Worriers have usually picked up the habit either from a parent, or from a series of bad experiences in their past. It becomes their default thought mechanism and a part of who they are. When I’m coaching a worrier, I might suggest that we work on changing the habit. After all, life is so much more pleasant when one doesn’t go through their day predicting a fatal outcome for every event. Well, from my perspective at least.
The interesting piece is that worriers rarely want to change the habit. I find that they “worry” about who they will be without this piece of their thought process in tact. It’s been a part of them for so long that they don’t know who they’ll be without it. I can understand that. If your mind is so busy with worry much of the time, what will you think about when you choose not to worry? Hummm, a dilemma – and really, it is a serious one. When a chronic worrier comes into coaching, I do have a few tricks that often work….
Certainly, EFT – The Emotional Freedom Technique – is number one in the bag of tricks. If we minimize or eliminate the emotional attachment to those negative memories, an individual can learn to let go of worry thinking. But then, what do we replace the worry thinking with? Well, positive thinking of course!
Even if you’re not a chronic worrier, try these things – it just feels good and you’ll find your energy taking upward spin. Begin with a gratitude journal. Every night take 5 or 10 minutes to write about the good things that happened during your day. Shoot for 3 or more things. Now, in the beginning that can feel like a stretch. But remember, you don’t have to win the lotto or a trip to Hawaii (although that may happen) to qualify your entry into a gratitude journal. It may be something like a stranger holding a door open for you or a beautiful butterfly that landed on your screen door. If you begin to truly embrace the beauty of these things, your energy will shift over time….probably sooner than you’d expect.
Another little exercise is to look for the pleasant things around you when you’re waiting at a stoplight or standing in line at the grocery store. A dad holding his toddler’s hand while walking down the sidewalk; a couple laughing over an “inside joke;” a grocery clerk going out of her way to help a customer. Notice the things you wouldn’t have paid attention to in the past…you’ll be amazed at the pleasant experiences that you’ll draw into your life.
There are many more ways to shift to positive thinking, but this is a good start. If you know a chronic worrier who wants to change, perhaps you can introduce them to a process or two that may help. They may benefit from the assistance of a life coach or a therapist, depending on how chronic the worrying is. Remember, suggesting help to someone who is ready is just another way of telling them that you care.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Understanding Perspective
I talk about perspective a lot when I’m working with clients. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that the world comes in many different colors and we all see them in our own distinct way. We sometimes have the tendency to assume or evaluate what another person meant when they did or said something-or didn’t do or say something that we expected them to.
My favorite example of this comes from when my kids were about 7 years old. Every night (or so it seems) I would tell them to feed and water the dogs. Every night this turned into a struggle of compliance and caused me great aggravation – them too I would suppose. I can’t even tell you how long this went on – urrggghhh!
Finally, one evening I spun on my children with a raised voice, “Why can’t you just do your job? This is YOUR responsibility!” Staring back at me were two sets of large, curious, and rather surprised baby blue eyes. “What?” I demanded. My twin daughters looked at one another as they always did when determining who would be the spokesperson for the issue at hand. Finally, Kim spoke up and said, “Mom, we didn’t know this was our job.”
How could this be possible when we went over this every single night of the week?! Of course it was their job, I told them to do it every night – didn’t they get it? So, that’s what I asked them, “What in the world do you mean, I tell you to do it every night!”
“But you never told us it was our job!” they exclaimed in unison.
Well, I couldn’t argue that one. From their perspective, until they were told in no uncertain terms and in very specific language, it was simply a chore I was asking them to perform to help me out in the moment. Hummmm. Who’s got something to learn here? Mom, that’s who!
So, I immediately cured my mistake and explained this responsibility to them, including exactly what was expected and why. They began to embrace this important task and even made a feeding chart that they could initial each day when one of them completed the chore! Sure, there were nights when it was still a struggle to get the dogs fed, but never as bad as it was before this important revelation. The girls embraced their responsibility as well as any 7-year-old might do.
I learned so much from my kids on that day. I’ve learned a lot from them over the last 21 years! But this one really stands out for me. Igrasped the importance of two-way communication and understanding as well as how things can look from another’s perspective. No one is necessarily right, no one is wrong, it just is.
How well do you communicate with the people in your life? Do you give your employees proper direction or do you assume that they will think the same way as you do? Do you communicate your perspective or understanding of a situation to prevent misunderstandings in your relationships? Do you expect that others should “know how you feel” without giving them the advantage of a dialogue? Share your stories and examples here!
My favorite example of this comes from when my kids were about 7 years old. Every night (or so it seems) I would tell them to feed and water the dogs. Every night this turned into a struggle of compliance and caused me great aggravation – them too I would suppose. I can’t even tell you how long this went on – urrggghhh!
Finally, one evening I spun on my children with a raised voice, “Why can’t you just do your job? This is YOUR responsibility!” Staring back at me were two sets of large, curious, and rather surprised baby blue eyes. “What?” I demanded. My twin daughters looked at one another as they always did when determining who would be the spokesperson for the issue at hand. Finally, Kim spoke up and said, “Mom, we didn’t know this was our job.”
How could this be possible when we went over this every single night of the week?! Of course it was their job, I told them to do it every night – didn’t they get it? So, that’s what I asked them, “What in the world do you mean, I tell you to do it every night!”
“But you never told us it was our job!” they exclaimed in unison.
Well, I couldn’t argue that one. From their perspective, until they were told in no uncertain terms and in very specific language, it was simply a chore I was asking them to perform to help me out in the moment. Hummmm. Who’s got something to learn here? Mom, that’s who!
So, I immediately cured my mistake and explained this responsibility to them, including exactly what was expected and why. They began to embrace this important task and even made a feeding chart that they could initial each day when one of them completed the chore! Sure, there were nights when it was still a struggle to get the dogs fed, but never as bad as it was before this important revelation. The girls embraced their responsibility as well as any 7-year-old might do.
I learned so much from my kids on that day. I’ve learned a lot from them over the last 21 years! But this one really stands out for me. Igrasped the importance of two-way communication and understanding as well as how things can look from another’s perspective. No one is necessarily right, no one is wrong, it just is.
How well do you communicate with the people in your life? Do you give your employees proper direction or do you assume that they will think the same way as you do? Do you communicate your perspective or understanding of a situation to prevent misunderstandings in your relationships? Do you expect that others should “know how you feel” without giving them the advantage of a dialogue? Share your stories and examples here!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
