As I talk to my clients about the importance of communication skills, I'm frequently reminded of a little anecdote about my children when they were only 6 years old (my girls are twins:)
Once the girls were able to reach the kitchen sink I decided (independently) that one of their "chores" would be feeding the dogs and refreshing their drinking water each day. So, I began the daily ritual of asking them to feed the dogs. Every day, I asked them to feed the dogs and every day they came up with a new way of procrastinating on the task. Naturally, my frustration grew and so did theirs. This went on for over a year! Finally, one day I snapped. "Why in the world is this such a big deal?" I accused, "You KNOW this is YOUR job!"
The girls looked at one another in confusion. It was Kim who finally spoke up and said, "Mom, you never told us it was our JOB, you just told us to do it."
From that day on it took few reminders to get the doggies fed. Now that these 7-year-olds clearly understood that this was their job and responsibility they were fine with officially taking it on. It was Mom who failed here when I did not communicate in a way that they needed me to. I wasn't clear and I did not define the terms.
I have carried this lesson with me through my career in corporate, small business, and now as a coach. Listen to the way your audience communicates and model your own communication after their learning style. Always be clear and explore any questions they may have. This is the foundation for a beautiful relationship!
Similar experiences? Share here!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Letting Go of The Outcome
Do you know what a vision board is? Well, in a nutshell it's a collage of pictures that represent the future you dream of. It's a daily reminder of why you're working so hard and of the commitments you have made to yourself. But most of all it's about faith. Faith in the Universe to hear you and to bring your desires to life - and faith in yourself to hear the Universe when it answers you in odd ways. But to do that, we first need to let go of the outcome because things don't always come to us wrapped in pretty boxes with stylish bows....
So what's that mean? "Letting go of the outcome?" Here's one example: One of my clients was courting a great prospect. After about 6 weeks he became highly frustrated that he still hadn't closed on the business. In a coaching session, he identified that this deal would allow him to bring on that additional sales person and perhaps a marketing person - very exciting, indeed. It's no wonder that Paul was frustrated.
Additional weeks passed and Paul's frustration grew because he was so certain that by now he'd be looking for people to fill these critical staff positions. Although he continued to close other business, all that seemed to matter to Paul was that this particular prospect was not signing on the dotted line. He was so focused on his perceived failure that he neglected to realize that the projected revenue from 2 other new accounts would create the cashflow necessary to grow his team as planned. Oops. Instead of focusing on his wonderful success, instead of realizing that The Universe chose to deliver via the back road, Paul lost track of his vision and got caught up in a whirlwind of fear and doubt. Of course, we got back on the right course and Paul has successfully added THREE new team members to his growing firm.
As you create your vision, identify what is most important about this vision. Is it absolutely imperative that your new mode of transportation be a red convertible? Or is it important that the new vehicle gives you a sense of freedom and joy; that it adds to your feeling of success and prosperity? Your new ride may be represented by a picture of a red convertible, but keep your eyes and mind open because you may fall in love with a blue motorcycle instead!
What images would you place on a vision board? Think about what they really represent - feel free to share your insights here on "Got Stuck?"
So what's that mean? "Letting go of the outcome?" Here's one example: One of my clients was courting a great prospect. After about 6 weeks he became highly frustrated that he still hadn't closed on the business. In a coaching session, he identified that this deal would allow him to bring on that additional sales person and perhaps a marketing person - very exciting, indeed. It's no wonder that Paul was frustrated.
Additional weeks passed and Paul's frustration grew because he was so certain that by now he'd be looking for people to fill these critical staff positions. Although he continued to close other business, all that seemed to matter to Paul was that this particular prospect was not signing on the dotted line. He was so focused on his perceived failure that he neglected to realize that the projected revenue from 2 other new accounts would create the cashflow necessary to grow his team as planned. Oops. Instead of focusing on his wonderful success, instead of realizing that The Universe chose to deliver via the back road, Paul lost track of his vision and got caught up in a whirlwind of fear and doubt. Of course, we got back on the right course and Paul has successfully added THREE new team members to his growing firm.
As you create your vision, identify what is most important about this vision. Is it absolutely imperative that your new mode of transportation be a red convertible? Or is it important that the new vehicle gives you a sense of freedom and joy; that it adds to your feeling of success and prosperity? Your new ride may be represented by a picture of a red convertible, but keep your eyes and mind open because you may fall in love with a blue motorcycle instead!
What images would you place on a vision board? Think about what they really represent - feel free to share your insights here on "Got Stuck?"
Imposters Everywhere!
When I landed my very first paying coaching client, I was excited beyond belief....until about an hour prior to our session. Then all the fears set in - "Who am I to help this guy build his business? What do I know that he doesn't already know? What if he asks for his money back!? Yikes," I thought, "I'm an IMPOSTER!!!"
Luckily, I came to my senses and realized that isn't true. I got my fears under control and the session went well, but - wow - I really wasn't prepared for this level of self-doubt. Do you ever feel like you're going to be "found out"? Like people think you know more than you really do know? Well, join the ranks of millions.
I've done a little research on the topic and, guess what? It even has a name. That's right, so many people experience this fear that it's got the perfect name: The Imposter Syndrome.
Even top-level, powerful executives experience The Imposter Syndrome. The experts who appear to be as cool as a cucumber and have the answer at their fingertips feel the flutter of disbelief when they are called in to consult or advise on the latest dilemma. . Moms and Dads wonder "who in the world am I to make these decisions for this little person?" but on the outside, they are the expert on what's best for their child. Women, especially suffer from forms of The Imposter Syndrome, wondering if their choice of words will sound right or if their decisions will be accepted as sound.
So, the next time you wonder how you qualify to do the job or reach for your dreams, know that you're not alone. At one time or another we all wonder how these responsibilities have found their way to our plate and how in the world we're going to "fake it till we make it" without being found out. But let's get real...you are NOT faking it. Take inventory of all the talent, knowledge, and wisdom that you DO bring to the table. Notice how often those around you ask for your input and advice. Give them some credit! Would they ask if they didn't consider you the authority?
Have you had an experience that could be described as a form of this epidemic syndrome? You're safe here - why not share? It will make us all feel more human.
Luckily, I came to my senses and realized that isn't true. I got my fears under control and the session went well, but - wow - I really wasn't prepared for this level of self-doubt. Do you ever feel like you're going to be "found out"? Like people think you know more than you really do know? Well, join the ranks of millions.
I've done a little research on the topic and, guess what? It even has a name. That's right, so many people experience this fear that it's got the perfect name: The Imposter Syndrome.
Even top-level, powerful executives experience The Imposter Syndrome. The experts who appear to be as cool as a cucumber and have the answer at their fingertips feel the flutter of disbelief when they are called in to consult or advise on the latest dilemma. . Moms and Dads wonder "who in the world am I to make these decisions for this little person?" but on the outside, they are the expert on what's best for their child. Women, especially suffer from forms of The Imposter Syndrome, wondering if their choice of words will sound right or if their decisions will be accepted as sound.
So, the next time you wonder how you qualify to do the job or reach for your dreams, know that you're not alone. At one time or another we all wonder how these responsibilities have found their way to our plate and how in the world we're going to "fake it till we make it" without being found out. But let's get real...you are NOT faking it. Take inventory of all the talent, knowledge, and wisdom that you DO bring to the table. Notice how often those around you ask for your input and advice. Give them some credit! Would they ask if they didn't consider you the authority?
Have you had an experience that could be described as a form of this epidemic syndrome? You're safe here - why not share? It will make us all feel more human.
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