The Stress of Longing For What’s NOT!

I’m sitting outside at my favorite Caribou Coffee location. There’s a lovely breeze and the dark roast is perfect! Ah, the comforts of home and the delight of a well-brewed cup-‘o-joe.

The last 5 mornings at a wonderful conference near Denver stood in the way of my morning coffee indulgance as the "coffee" was, ummm, not very tasty. Now, you have to understand that we’re not just talking coffee here. This comes from a woman who once owned a lovely coffeehouse and who has studied the origin and regional make up of various blends and beans offered in the American marketplace. You may think of this as trivial, but coffee is far more than a caffeine boost to this lover of the exotic elixir. It’s a magical experience that takes me to far away lands and dances on my taste buds to awaken me each morning and puts a smile on my face. Ah, (pausing for a sip)! So, it’s rather remarkable that I felt ok about sipping on that weak, bitter, hotel blend for 5 mornings in a row. In fact, I gave it little thought, and THAT is pretty amazing.

And that’s not all. The accommodations were, well, let’s say “unfortunate.” In the midst of a major remodel throughout, the hotel was toxic with dust and fumes and, frankly, it was a mess. Yuck! Oh, did I mention that we had no rental car and the hotel was out near the airport with few options for entertainment and dining in the vicinity? I’m sure that you can imagine how this trip could have turned out, and there was some grumbling between me and my travel-buddy , but we both got past it and chose to spend this time accepting what is, rather than longing for what is not. Yay! What a concept!

So, what did that change for us? Well, certainly not the bad coffee or the quality of our accommodations, but it did change the experience drastically from what it might have been. Mostly because, we both had energy. By that I not only mean physical energy but the mental energy and clarity to spend 9-hour days absorbing vast amounts of valuable information. Our energies weren’t depleted by the negative aspects of our experience, but rather increased by the power of information and acceptance of “what is”. And, if you’re a believer of “energy” in the sense of what an individual exudes, we certainly kept that in the positive realm as well. Can you imagine spending 5 days with someone who is constantly whining about all of the negatives around them? Yuck! Thankfully, neither of us was subjected to that experience. What a lovely concept and what a positive choice we both made.

Yes, it was a choice and we all make these kinds of choices daily. Think about how many times during the day you choose to think negatively about the experience you’re in at the moment; we all do it. Waiting “too long” at a stop light or for your browser to load; enduring an inconvenient trip to the grocery store because you’ve run out of milk; taking more time than you’d like to listen to the musings of a client or co-worker. What physical sensations arise as the aggravation of such experiences surfaces? Does your stomach do a little flip-flop? Does your chest tighten or your jaws clench? Do you feel stress anywhere in your body? If you let these things get to you, then most certainly you do have stress in your body. Think about how much energy you are choosing to expend when you welcome that kind of stress into your environment. I’m here to tell you – it’s a lot.

Think of these bits of energy as golden coins and your body as a bank. For every negative thought and reaction you might have throughout the day, you are spending those precious golden coins. It’s akin to spending $80 or more at the gas pump to fill up your SUV. Yikes, imagine doing that 20 or more times a day! But if you choose to watch the child and mother laughing as they cross the street instead of counting the seconds you spend at the stoplight, you are making a deposit into your precious bank account. AND, you get to spend it on something you can savor and enjoy!

It’s really not all that difficult, why not try it? The next time you feel that familiar surge of stress in your body, look around for a simple thing to take pleasure in. There’s always something, trust me. Start by doing this once or twice a day and build your way up. Feel the change in your body, perhaps in your health. Certainly you will feel a change in your mental health! Then, cash in some of those golden coins on a stress-free and well-deserved evening with the kids or walk in the woods. Ah, the comforts of home!