The name of this post is an exact quote from a friend’s co-worker. Hummm, “I hate change – unless it makes my life easier.” I chuckled when I first heard this, but then I realized that millions of people feel that way…how fascinating…Let’s think about it. Certainly change for the sake of ease and comfort is a good thing and I’m all for it if means progress. But do we always know upfront whether or not a change in our lives will result in disaster or pleasure? Certainly not, so why judge it?
Change comes neatly packaged in all sorts of life experiences. From tragedy, to being forced into a new job, and even finding new love. Having a baby creates change in one’s life, but it certainly doesn’t make life any easier! In the end, change often brings joy into our life, even if we forsake the comfort of routine and simplicity. So why do so many of us resist it so?
Change is such a hot topic that there are books written about, seminars given to address it, highly compensated consultants brought in to address corporate executives and their teams. Urgh! Change! It’s costing America millions! But beyond the millions of dollars are the millions of headaches and fears that are costing us even more. What would happen if we weren’t so resistant to the dreaded – c-h-a-n-g-e?
Well, let’s take a look at why we resist it so. From my experience, both with clients, and my own life experiences, it seems that we often view change as a bad thing. It forces us out of our comfort zone and into the unknown. It means that we’ll have to adjust, think harder, and learn something about ourselves that may not be pleasant to face. Change is like stirring the pot; mixing flavors of the past, future, and present to create either a delectable feast or a culinary disaster. We don’t always know what’s about to occur – and the unknown is a scary place!
So, how can we embrace change a bit more optimistically? First, don’t forecast the outcome with pure negativity. Look at all sides including the potential for good in change. Let’s say that you have an employee who just gave notice. “OK, Jane isn’t the best at what she does, but I could trust her to get the job done,” you might say. “I don’t have time to find AND train a new employee,” you think. “What if I can’t find the right person?” and “How are the clients going to take the news?” Sure, it’s easy to let our minds go to all of the negative possibilities. But if you can train your mind to go to the positive possibilities you’ll almost always get good stuff out of any kind of change.
In this case, what if replacing Jane offers you an opportunity to change the job description and get more of the marketing off of your plate? Jane didn’t have great marketing skills, but this could be a prerequisite for the new hire. Perhaps you had to work hard to motivate Jane – now you could hire a self-starter and you know what you’re looking for. When you hired Jane, you just started the business and you weren’t so sure…. Well, you get the picture.
Even under the most tragic of circumstances, we can find the positive in change. I use the example of my husband’s death a number of years ago. This topic could be a book, but to abbreviate the outcome, I insisted on creating the most positive of possible scenarios during this painful time in my life. I took the time to be alone and get to know what I really wanted in my life, now that my goals had to be different. I spent more one-on-one time with my then 8-year-old twin daughters and became both parents to them. As a result we are closer today than I believe we ever would have otherwise been. I took in each experience as I received from support and love from others. These were all invaluable life lessons that contribute to my ability to be a supportive and well-rounded coach today. A career that seems custom built for me.
The next time you see change coming about and your mind goes into fear mode, STOP. Sit yourself down and write a list of all the possible positive shifts that could occur in your life as a result of this change. Even if it’s a small change in office procedure or in your business – how could this change have a positive impact on you? Train your mind to go toward this healthier line of thought. You will be amazed at the impact this will have on your life! Yay! I love change!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
The Law of Attraction Unfolds
I’ve been on an inspirational and humbling journey with one of my magnificent clients. Rita came to me about 4 months ago with a fabulous business in place, but the outlook wasn’t entirely positive. This business holds incredible potential and is the brainchild of this amazing woman. Yet, Rita was not receiving the support from those around her, and her business was suffering. When a client tells me that, I immediately begin to go to work on the client’s perception of the world around them. After all, those around us usually mirror what we are feeling within. In the rare instances where I find that’s not true, I usually help the client look at their options to surround themselves with like-kind thinkers and believers. But in Rita’s case a more positive outlook is unfolding.
Rita had a wonderful foundation in place for believing in herself, embracing her spirituality, and her self-esteem was there – just a little broken. So, we went through my values process over the course of a couple of weeks. Rita was better able to understand who she is and why certain pieces of her life make her unhappy. After working on this and more, I recommended a book that Rita was now ready to read: “Ask and It Is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Now this book won’t have much of an impact on those who aren’t ready to embrace Universal Law, but for Rita it was time.
She emailed me a week later exclaiming that she finally “gets it!” In our session that week she said, “Marla, I’m not going to make a million dollars this year. I’m going to make 10 million dollars this year!” and you know what? I believed her. We worked on attraction and things that she could put into action to bring this goal/dream to fruition. Now, I remind you, that this is one of the reasons I am a coach. When one of my clients says, “I get it” I can’t begin to tell you what it does to me inside. The level of joy that I feel is nothing short of amazing. So, my journey with Rita is incredibly precious to me. Now when a client not only gets it, but also makes it happen – well, there’s not much that tops that in my book. Rita is going to make it happen. Last week, after a short blurb about her business in a major magazine, Rita was contacted by not one, not two, but three major investors. These meetings – meetings that most entrepreneurs only dream of – are scheduled to begin this week. Holy Cow! Millions and millions of dollars because Rita turned a corner and put herself into action!
Rita is thankful for this on-going coaching experience, and that is humbling, indeed. But I am thankful as well. These are the experiences a coach lives for and Rita has made yet another dream come true for this coach.
How does the Law of Attraction work for you? Do you attract negative people and situations into your life? If so, please look at your thought process. Begin a gratitude journal, look for beauty through out your day. This small change will begin to work miracles for you.
Rita had a wonderful foundation in place for believing in herself, embracing her spirituality, and her self-esteem was there – just a little broken. So, we went through my values process over the course of a couple of weeks. Rita was better able to understand who she is and why certain pieces of her life make her unhappy. After working on this and more, I recommended a book that Rita was now ready to read: “Ask and It Is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Now this book won’t have much of an impact on those who aren’t ready to embrace Universal Law, but for Rita it was time.
She emailed me a week later exclaiming that she finally “gets it!” In our session that week she said, “Marla, I’m not going to make a million dollars this year. I’m going to make 10 million dollars this year!” and you know what? I believed her. We worked on attraction and things that she could put into action to bring this goal/dream to fruition. Now, I remind you, that this is one of the reasons I am a coach. When one of my clients says, “I get it” I can’t begin to tell you what it does to me inside. The level of joy that I feel is nothing short of amazing. So, my journey with Rita is incredibly precious to me. Now when a client not only gets it, but also makes it happen – well, there’s not much that tops that in my book. Rita is going to make it happen. Last week, after a short blurb about her business in a major magazine, Rita was contacted by not one, not two, but three major investors. These meetings – meetings that most entrepreneurs only dream of – are scheduled to begin this week. Holy Cow! Millions and millions of dollars because Rita turned a corner and put herself into action!
Rita is thankful for this on-going coaching experience, and that is humbling, indeed. But I am thankful as well. These are the experiences a coach lives for and Rita has made yet another dream come true for this coach.
How does the Law of Attraction work for you? Do you attract negative people and situations into your life? If so, please look at your thought process. Begin a gratitude journal, look for beauty through out your day. This small change will begin to work miracles for you.
Overcoming Self-Doubt
As I sit here in the coffee shop pondering the topic of my next blog post, I’m listening to the beautiful song, “Have a Little Faith in Me.” I had to stop my thought process to take in the lyrics and enjoy the gentle, yet moving melody. A thought came to mind about the negative beliefs held by many, which boil down to lack of faith in themselves. Then, BINGO! The topic of my next (this) post hit me. Self-doubt: the poisonous venom that runs through the mind of so many very talented entrepreneurs. So, you see – we actually have two topics here. The problem of lack of faith in one’s self and the amazing Law of Attraction, because I closed my eyes to listen and this topic idea was born. So, since I write frequently about the Law of Attraction (LOA) let’s talk more about lack of faith and self-doubt. Not to diminish the amazing experience of manifestation – for which I am always and deeply grateful.
I think most of us do it from time-to-time; allow those debilitating thoughts of self-doubt to creep through our minds. “Who am I to take this on?” or “I’m not smart enough to do this.” Thoughts like these run through the minds of even the most brilliant individuals. Do you ever experience this? I sure do! So, here are some exercises that I’ve found helpful and I have my clients do as an antidote to this poisonous obstruction to productivity. Of course, the most powerful process is the energy psychology that I often employ in sessions. That’s EFT and you can read more about at my website. But in addition to The Emotional Freedom Technique experience, these steps prove to be quite effective.
When you encounter limiting thoughts that lead to self-doubt, take a moment to acknowledge what you are experiencing. Think about the individual phrases moving through your head and write them down. Let’s say the thought du jour is “I’m not smart enough to pull this off.” (You’d be amazed at how many brilliant and successful people have this tape running in the background.) Now, you have the header of a column called “I’m Not Smart Enough.” Under the header write down 10 things, that’s right 10 things, that you’ve achieved in the last 5 years that required a rather intelligent thought process to pull off. Don’t be shy about it. Have you scored great grades in a difficult class? Have you begun your own company and helped clients/customers solve a problem? Have you helped your child process some difficult experiences? Come on, how do you use that amazing brain in your head? Oh, you have more than 10? – great! Keep writing. Now go back up to the header name and change it to “I AM Smart!”
Now, I want you to compose an email to AT LEAST three people who know you. When I did this, I told these people I was looking at some angles for marketing my business. I asked them to list 3-5 things that they believe I do well. What do they see in me that makes me a good coach? Well, if these responses weren’t a boost then nothing is. No one stopped at 3 things and good wasn’t an adjective any of them used. I got words like, amazing, rare, astounding – well, you get the picture. Now add a second column next to “I AM Smart” and call it “How Others See Me.” Copy and paste, or write those phrases and adjectives into this column. Wow, how’s this picture shaping up?
One more exercise – and it’s not easy for some. Write down 100 of your top qualities. Be honest with yourself – in other words, don’t short change yourself! One word at a time, how would you describe yourself to the world? Good stuff only because that’s all that counts for this process. Do you make people laugh? Is integrity an important value? Are you a good friend? Are you witty or creative? Come on, you can do it – 100 things! If you have to list 10-15 a day, and it takes a while, that’s fine – take your time, the end result is the same.
Good job! Now, review the whole picture. Read your lists before you go to bed so that your conscious mind can embrace all these wonderful things about you. Refer to these lists when you’re feeling self-doubt. Keep in touch with the reality of your genius by reading and re-reading all this great stuff. Accept it – this is the real you. The other is sabotage and/or fear that is only as real as you allow it to be.
Tell us about your experience. How did this process help you shift your thoughts? Were there any stumbling blocks? Which part was the most difficult? Did any part of it come easier to you than you believed it would?
I think most of us do it from time-to-time; allow those debilitating thoughts of self-doubt to creep through our minds. “Who am I to take this on?” or “I’m not smart enough to do this.” Thoughts like these run through the minds of even the most brilliant individuals. Do you ever experience this? I sure do! So, here are some exercises that I’ve found helpful and I have my clients do as an antidote to this poisonous obstruction to productivity. Of course, the most powerful process is the energy psychology that I often employ in sessions. That’s EFT and you can read more about at my website. But in addition to The Emotional Freedom Technique experience, these steps prove to be quite effective.
When you encounter limiting thoughts that lead to self-doubt, take a moment to acknowledge what you are experiencing. Think about the individual phrases moving through your head and write them down. Let’s say the thought du jour is “I’m not smart enough to pull this off.” (You’d be amazed at how many brilliant and successful people have this tape running in the background.) Now, you have the header of a column called “I’m Not Smart Enough.” Under the header write down 10 things, that’s right 10 things, that you’ve achieved in the last 5 years that required a rather intelligent thought process to pull off. Don’t be shy about it. Have you scored great grades in a difficult class? Have you begun your own company and helped clients/customers solve a problem? Have you helped your child process some difficult experiences? Come on, how do you use that amazing brain in your head? Oh, you have more than 10? – great! Keep writing. Now go back up to the header name and change it to “I AM Smart!”
Now, I want you to compose an email to AT LEAST three people who know you. When I did this, I told these people I was looking at some angles for marketing my business. I asked them to list 3-5 things that they believe I do well. What do they see in me that makes me a good coach? Well, if these responses weren’t a boost then nothing is. No one stopped at 3 things and good wasn’t an adjective any of them used. I got words like, amazing, rare, astounding – well, you get the picture. Now add a second column next to “I AM Smart” and call it “How Others See Me.” Copy and paste, or write those phrases and adjectives into this column. Wow, how’s this picture shaping up?
One more exercise – and it’s not easy for some. Write down 100 of your top qualities. Be honest with yourself – in other words, don’t short change yourself! One word at a time, how would you describe yourself to the world? Good stuff only because that’s all that counts for this process. Do you make people laugh? Is integrity an important value? Are you a good friend? Are you witty or creative? Come on, you can do it – 100 things! If you have to list 10-15 a day, and it takes a while, that’s fine – take your time, the end result is the same.
Good job! Now, review the whole picture. Read your lists before you go to bed so that your conscious mind can embrace all these wonderful things about you. Refer to these lists when you’re feeling self-doubt. Keep in touch with the reality of your genius by reading and re-reading all this great stuff. Accept it – this is the real you. The other is sabotage and/or fear that is only as real as you allow it to be.
Tell us about your experience. How did this process help you shift your thoughts? Were there any stumbling blocks? Which part was the most difficult? Did any part of it come easier to you than you believed it would?
Friday, February 8, 2008
LifeMap Products
I've been working hard in my business. Do you hear that? IN my business. That's a business coach talking and if you don't catch the irony, I teach people to work ON their business, not IN their business! Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love coaching. I will not stop coaching. But, I realize that I need to do more - and less.
So, I am following my own advice. I looked hard at my business, and as the old adage about the shoe cobblers kids being the last to have new shoes implies, this isn't easy! It's time for me to market a piece of "me" that isn't me. "What in the world is she talking about," you might ask. Well, these will be products that people can purchase without purchasing one-to-one coaching. I'm developing "Quick Taps" which are recorded files that will help people perform EFT more powerfully on their own.
Quick Taps are my first product initiative and, hey, I'm nervous! But I'm having a blast working on them. There will be Quick Taps to address lack of energy; achieving wealth; various anxiety issues, and many more. Yay! I'm learning so much and hopefully, my Quick Tap customers will learn and grow from this opportunity as well. Quick Taps will be available on the LifeMap website early this spring. Do you hear that? That is my commitment to a deadline...wooohooo!
If you have any ideas or input for me on this, PLEASE write to me or post here on the Got Stuck blog. I would love to hear from you!
So, I am following my own advice. I looked hard at my business, and as the old adage about the shoe cobblers kids being the last to have new shoes implies, this isn't easy! It's time for me to market a piece of "me" that isn't me. "What in the world is she talking about," you might ask. Well, these will be products that people can purchase without purchasing one-to-one coaching. I'm developing "Quick Taps" which are recorded files that will help people perform EFT more powerfully on their own.
Quick Taps are my first product initiative and, hey, I'm nervous! But I'm having a blast working on them. There will be Quick Taps to address lack of energy; achieving wealth; various anxiety issues, and many more. Yay! I'm learning so much and hopefully, my Quick Tap customers will learn and grow from this opportunity as well. Quick Taps will be available on the LifeMap website early this spring. Do you hear that? That is my commitment to a deadline...wooohooo!
If you have any ideas or input for me on this, PLEASE write to me or post here on the Got Stuck blog. I would love to hear from you!
Monday, February 4, 2008
What Is Life Balance Anyway?
We’re hearing more and more about it; on-line, magazines, even the occasional newspaper article speaks about it. Book clubs, yoga classes, health clubs, church; everywhere we go it seems that the topic of life balance is the hot topic du jour. But what’s it mean? Is it the same for everyone? How do you know if you have it? How do you get it if you don’t? All good, and valid, questions.
Start by asking yourself what is most important to you in your life. Family values; health; mental stimulation; spirituality or religion; financial security, are just a few of the common answers. See if you can list 10 things/qualities that you absolutely do not want to live without. Instead of saying “that new Audi” try thinking about what that would mean to you. Why do you want the Audi? Is it symbolic of something? Does it mean you’ve “arrived”? Does it mean that you have achieved an income-level that makes you feel secure and happy? Whatever your answer, that is what we’re looking for, not simply the new Audi.
This list of 10 is what are now your top values ; the things that are most important to you and that will dictate whether or not you are living in balance. For instance, if you really value mental stimulation and your job is mundane, you’re not involved in anything outside of work that feeds you, and you are generally bored, then you are not in balance with one of your important values. You will most likely feel “out of kilter” and restless. Let’s look at another example: If your spirituality is important to you and you don’t take time to explore it and grow spiritually, then you are not in balance with your values. Again, you will feel out of sorts, perhaps confused or frustrated with your life as it is.
Take a look at your top 3 values and ask yourself how much time you spend cultivating them. If family is your top value and you spend 12 hours a day at work, well….you know where this is going.
The “balance” part is up to you. How can you distribute your time and energy into each area to feel happy and whole? Remember, it’s not simply the number of hours we’re looking at - it’s the quality as well. Are there things in your life that you need/want to change in order to experience the balance?
The understanding and realization are great first steps. Don’t expect to change your situation overnight. But you can change it. Remember to look at every part of your life when you feel lack in one of the areas that’s important to you. If you don’t feel the mental stimulation at work, it doesn’t mean you have to quit your job. Where else can you find what you need? What can you do today to lay the groundwork for change tomorrow? See “the big picture” and take one day at a time.
Tell us about what you’ve done to get a step closer to the beloved life balance that we all seek. It helps to have support, so let’s communicate!
Start by asking yourself what is most important to you in your life. Family values; health; mental stimulation; spirituality or religion; financial security, are just a few of the common answers. See if you can list 10 things/qualities that you absolutely do not want to live without. Instead of saying “that new Audi” try thinking about what that would mean to you. Why do you want the Audi? Is it symbolic of something? Does it mean you’ve “arrived”? Does it mean that you have achieved an income-level that makes you feel secure and happy? Whatever your answer, that is what we’re looking for, not simply the new Audi.
This list of 10 is what are now your top values ; the things that are most important to you and that will dictate whether or not you are living in balance. For instance, if you really value mental stimulation and your job is mundane, you’re not involved in anything outside of work that feeds you, and you are generally bored, then you are not in balance with one of your important values. You will most likely feel “out of kilter” and restless. Let’s look at another example: If your spirituality is important to you and you don’t take time to explore it and grow spiritually, then you are not in balance with your values. Again, you will feel out of sorts, perhaps confused or frustrated with your life as it is.
Take a look at your top 3 values and ask yourself how much time you spend cultivating them. If family is your top value and you spend 12 hours a day at work, well….you know where this is going.
The “balance” part is up to you. How can you distribute your time and energy into each area to feel happy and whole? Remember, it’s not simply the number of hours we’re looking at - it’s the quality as well. Are there things in your life that you need/want to change in order to experience the balance?
The understanding and realization are great first steps. Don’t expect to change your situation overnight. But you can change it. Remember to look at every part of your life when you feel lack in one of the areas that’s important to you. If you don’t feel the mental stimulation at work, it doesn’t mean you have to quit your job. Where else can you find what you need? What can you do today to lay the groundwork for change tomorrow? See “the big picture” and take one day at a time.
Tell us about what you’ve done to get a step closer to the beloved life balance that we all seek. It helps to have support, so let’s communicate!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
So You Want Your Own Business….
I don’t blame you. Being an entrepreneur can be an awesome experience. I’ve been involved in entrepreneurial activities for about a dozen years now and can’t imagine working for someone else ever again.
The main motivation for me to own a business is “freedom.” Freedom to make my own choices and decisions, freedom from corporate rules and politics, and from the structure and routine that typically dictates in the corporate environment. The problem is, if you don’t like structure and routine it takes an enormous amount of discipline and sacrifice to run your own company. So be careful what you ask for!
Many of the entrepreneurs and solopreneurs who come to me for coaching chose to embark on their entrepreneurial ventures for reasons that are common to the creative, entrepreneurial mind. They want to make their own decisions, be accountable only to themselves, and make lots of money. Often, by the time they come to me they’ve learned that they don’t get to make all the decisions, they are accountable to the clients, and money – well, there’s less and less of it.
So what do you have to know before taking the leap to “freedom?” Certainly, it depends on the type of business you plan to start, but here are some basic questions that you may want to ask yourself.
-Do you have a minimum of one year’s “salary” set aside for yourself? (more if you’re opening a storefront or renting space.)
-Do you have a system in place for project management and have the organizational skills to manage your clients/customers?
-Do you have a business plan that includes projections and a budget for the first year of business?
-Will you be able to do it all alone? How many hours a day will you have to work to provide the service, track the jobs, make your product, market the company, and whatever else is necessary?
-What is your marketing plan? How much money do you have to implement it? Remember, the “build it and they shall come” theory is rarely accurate.
-Will you need employees now or in the future? What experience do you have managing people and do you enjoy it?
-Do you have a budget to allow for repairs, new equipment, back up systems, and other necessary growth?
-Do you possess the skills, diplomacy, and personality necessary to connect with the customer/client – even when they are unhappy? (Hey, it happens.)
If you’re not certain about these things, or they are overwhelming to you, please, please, please, hire a good business coach. This investment will pay for itself many times over as you embark on what may be a very exciting and profitable venture. Protect yourself and your investment by planning wisely and swallowing a dose of reality. That’s a big demand for those of us with that creative, entrepreneurial mindset but it’s also an example of the discipline that you will need to run your own business.
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