Got Stuck? Get Coached!

Every Now and Zen

2008-07-02T06:27:00.000-07:00

As a life coach I help people to understand the value of living in the moment, you know, the “Zen” way of being. I offer helpful exercises to learn the art of removing one’s ego from certain situations and allowing the outcome. And to my credit, I practice what I preach as much as humanly possible – okay, maybe not to that extreme, but as much as possible for whom I am in this moment. But every now and then I slip, and I do fine job of messing things up! I view it as my way of fostering an awareness of my clients’ challenges. (Yes, there’s always an upside!)

Five weeks ago I was enjoying the peaceful charm of my garden while potting water plants for the pond and annuals around my deck. Ahhh, the sound of the running water, the feel of the cool breeze and warm sun, the smell of newly blossomed flowers, the sights of nature in its state of awakening; what more could a nature lover ask for? Enter – the dogs. Not little dogs, no my dogs are large and unruly. They love to play-fight and when they do - look out; there are a combined 180 pounds of unruly hulk lashing around like a tornado. That day was no exception and I suddenly felt angry about the rude interruption.

On a typical day, I would have calmed myself with a deep breath and taken the dogs inside or gotten them to settle down without much of a change in my pleasant state of mind. But on this day I chose to ignore them and stew in my own concoction of anger, frustration, and self-pity. Woe is me. Not a few seconds later I stepped down the single deck stair, twisted my ankle and fell flat onto the flagstone path. Yikes, did that hurt! I’m still hobbling around on a sprained ankle.

I know, in all confidence, that had I been “present” and focused on the task at hand, rather than my anger and frustration, I would not have suffered this inconvenient and painful blow to my ankle. “What a great observation to share on my blog,” I realized the other day. People are always asking for examples of living in the moment. This is only one type of example, but boy – do I wish I would have chosen to live that moment quite differently!

How can you make different choices through out your day? The next time you’re challenged by an inconvenience or interruption, and you feel a negative emotion arise, think about your emotional choices. Are anger and frustration really an outlet or is allowing the moment and focusing on something pleasant a healthier choice? Share your experiences here!

Achieving Goals – The Ten Magic Steps!

2008-06-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

I just posted my article, 10-Steps to Focus and Completion; Planning Your Plan on the Sparkplugging blog. I’m so excited because writing that article has been on my goals list for a while – ironic huh? This year has been a huge turning point for me. I’ve created phase 2 of my business plan AND I’m doing it! How? By understanding what inspires and motivates me to complete tasks and goals. Also, by wanting it badly enough and with these little tricks to maintain focus.

The really exciting part is that I have reinforced my belief in the value of coaching. Having that accountability, being unwilling to go into my coaching sessions without having achieved my goals, and realizing that I don’t want to let myself down, have been 3 critical factors in achieving my plans. In terms of wanting it badly enough, I spent time thinking, writing and daydreaming about these achievements and created a true “feel good” state that I can tap into when I need motivation. I like being in that state and “feeling” the completion and rewards that are waiting for me at the end of this phase 2.

What would you like to get off your task list or out of your brain and into the reality zone? Do you have a dream for yourself or your business? It doesn’t have to be huge, perhaps just the next step. It’s SO important to have dreams and little goals in life that we can aspire to. Maybe it’s simply taking a vacation, or perhaps you’d like to find a job you love or write the book that’s been brewing in your mind for 3 years. If you’re not doing it stop now and ask yourself why? Write down the reason or reasons. Now, take a good look at those reasons; are they valid reasons or excuses? Odds are, they’re excuses that you’ve created “reasons” around. “The kids keep me too busy,” or “there isn’t such a thing as a job I could love.” Excuses. If you’re “too busy” then organize your time so that you can take one or two hours a week to pay attention to your dreams. If you have a small goal, like writing an article or going shopping for yourself, remember that these things are a part of the whole. Writing your article is a growth step for you and your business, buying that new outfit is about placing value on yourself and taking time to appreciate YOU. These are important tasks; you need to know that to inspire yourself to achieve completion.

If you’re ready for the next step, read my 10-steps at sparkplugging and take what will help you. Give your dreams the focus that they deserve – you’re worth it and you will thank yourself for it.

The Stress of Longing For What’s NOT!

2008-06-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

I’m sitting outside at my favorite Caribou Coffee location. There’s a lovely breeze and the dark roast is perfect! Ah, the comforts of home and the delight of a well-brewed cup-‘o-joe.

The last 5 mornings at a wonderful conference near Denver stood in the way of my morning coffee indulgance as the "coffee" was, ummm, not very tasty. Now, you have to understand that we’re not just talking coffee here. This comes from a woman who once owned a lovely coffeehouse and who has studied the origin and regional make up of various blends and beans offered in the American marketplace. You may think of this as trivial, but coffee is far more than a caffeine boost to this lover of the exotic elixir. It’s a magical experience that takes me to far away lands and dances on my taste buds to awaken me each morning and puts a smile on my face. Ah, (pausing for a sip)! So, it’s rather remarkable that I felt ok about sipping on that weak, bitter, hotel blend for 5 mornings in a row. In fact, I gave it little thought, and THAT is pretty amazing.

And that’s not all. The accommodations were, well, let’s say “unfortunate.” In the midst of a major remodel throughout, the hotel was toxic with dust and fumes and, frankly, it was a mess. Yuck! Oh, did I mention that we had no rental car and the hotel was out near the airport with few options for entertainment and dining in the vicinity? I’m sure that you can imagine how this trip could have turned out, and there was some grumbling between me and my travel-buddy , but we both got past it and chose to spend this time accepting what is, rather than longing for what is not. Yay! What a concept!

So, what did that change for us? Well, certainly not the bad coffee or the quality of our accommodations, but it did change the experience drastically from what it might have been. Mostly because, we both had energy. By that I not only mean physical energy but the mental energy and clarity to spend 9-hour days absorbing vast amounts of valuable information. Our energies weren’t depleted by the negative aspects of our experience, but rather increased by the power of information and acceptance of “what is”. And, if you’re a believer of “energy” in the sense of what an individual exudes, we certainly kept that in the positive realm as well. Can you imagine spending 5 days with someone who is constantly whining about all of the negatives around them? Yuck! Thankfully, neither of us was subjected to that experience. What a lovely concept and what a positive choice we both made.

Yes, it was a choice and we all make these kinds of choices daily. Think about how many times during the day you choose to think negatively about the experience you’re in at the moment; we all do it. Waiting “too long” at a stop light or for your browser to load; enduring an inconvenient trip to the grocery store because you’ve run out of milk; taking more time than you’d like to listen to the musings of a client or co-worker. What physical sensations arise as the aggravation of such experiences surfaces? Does your stomach do a little flip-flop? Does your chest tighten or your jaws clench? Do you feel stress anywhere in your body? If you let these things get to you, then most certainly you do have stress in your body. Think about how much energy you are choosing to expend when you welcome that kind of stress into your environment. I’m here to tell you – it’s a lot.

Think of these bits of energy as golden coins and your body as a bank. For every negative thought and reaction you might have throughout the day, you are spending those precious golden coins. It’s akin to spending $80 or more at the gas pump to fill up your SUV. Yikes, imagine doing that 20 or more times a day! But if you choose to watch the child and mother laughing as they cross the street instead of counting the seconds you spend at the stoplight, you are making a deposit into your precious bank account. AND, you get to spend it on something you can savor and enjoy!

It’s really not all that difficult, why not try it? The next time you feel that familiar surge of stress in your body, look around for a simple thing to take pleasure in. There’s always something, trust me. Start by doing this once or twice a day and build your way up. Feel the change in your body, perhaps in your health. Certainly you will feel a change in your mental health! Then, cash in some of those golden coins on a stress-free and well-deserved evening with the kids or walk in the woods. Ah, the comforts of home!

The Curse of the Female Entrepreneur

2008-04-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

I’m creating a new website for my business. Well, that’s another story all together, but it sure is a process that’s creating a lot of awareness’s for me. Thinking of themes, image, creating just the right words that will convey just the right message. It’s a tricky process, but one that I’m enjoying….as much as one can enjoy trying to put their message in a single sentence (because that’s about all people really read).

I really want to reach out to the “successful” female entrepreneur; "successful" being a loose term because everyone defines success differently. While money may be a common factor in most people’s definition of success, the amount of money varies and the key factors and definition of success also vary: depending on the individual and her/his values and goals. The things that get in the way of each person’s success also vary. But many of my female clients share a common thread: they feel that they have to do it all. That’s right, many female entrepreneurs don’t consider themselves successful unless they continue to keep a clean house, cook great meals, satisfy all of their kids’ and husbands’ essential needs, remain the glue that holds the extended family together, “be there” for their girlfriends, AND operate a flawless and thriving business. Doesn’t sound too overwhelming, does it? That is if you forget about your own needs and subsist on about 3 hours of sleep a night.

During an exercise to find the common denominators in many of the women I’ve coached, I confirmed my suspicion that many women carry this curse: “If I am not Superwoman, then I will let everyone down and my world will fall apart.” Furthermore, many women believe that if they “let everyone down” then they are not successful and no one in their family and circle of friends will survive properly without their constant and unyielding support. Wow! Where did we learn this about ourselves? Why is it that we don’t understand that if we continue to tip the scales, somewhere along the way we lose balance? I guess this must be a leftover remnant of belief systems from generations past…and I can honestly say that it has to change to save the sanity and health of the modern female entrepreneur. These are the people I hope to reach through my new Internet presence. I want to help women business owners learn to take better care of themselves without sacrificing the integrity of their relationships and their business. It can be done – really it can!

As a coach, there is nothing more fulfilling to me than to hear my client say that their life has changed in a positive way. To hear the excitement in a woman’s voice when she reports that she slept in on Sunday and the kids brought her breakfast in bed; or that she’s been going to the gym regularly again and met a girlfriend for lunch…ahhhh, music to this coach’s ears! The “curse” begins to lift, the clouds part, and the client’s life begins to feel like a real life again – yippee! The really great news is that no one and nothing, not even the business, has to suffer during this process. Ahhh, life is good!

Do you operate under the shadow of the “curse”? For a quick test, ask yourself what is most important to you in life: the kids, your marriage, good health, spirituality, having fun, etc. Then ask how much time you spend satisfying this value or need. If you spend an insufficient amount of time in the area that is most important to your happiness and well-being, then take a look at the big picture and look for the balance. Is it there? If not, you can regain your life balance (or for some create it for the first time ever).

Stop by my website - LifeMapCoaching.net and ask for a complimentary coaching session. Let’s begin to balance those scales and help you to find you again!

Ever Had a Re-epiphany?

2008-04-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

That’s what I called it; a re-epiphany. Having an epiphany is always a good thing, but having a re-epiphany reawakened me to my purpose as a coach. Wow!

About 3 months ago I created a plan. I love creating plans, but I will admit to you that I don’t always love following through with my well thought-out plans.... The curse of an entrepreneurial mind! You see, entrepreneurs LOVE working the creative part of the brain. Oh yes, the right brain gets a work out while the left brain hemisphere sits around growing sluggish and fat with information waiting to bust out.

I told my coach about my plan to grow my business in a new direction; an epiphany that I'd had about the current direction of my business and where it needed to go. Gretchen is an amazing coach – also full of ideas and creativity … and she gets me. So she holds me accountable and prods me with lines that get my stubborn ego motivated to act. Exactly what I need and boy does she deliver! Thanks Gretchen! So, with my stubborn ego reporting to Gretchen every other week, I’ve been dutiful in moving forward and producing the products that I will soon be releasing to the world – yay!

But I got off track with another plan because again, you see, that’s what entrepreneurs do. Somehow, this other plan just didn’t feel good to me. For a whole week, I put my focus toward coaching sales people to improve their performance and results…yup, a whole week :). Luckily, it was only a week beforeI realized – hey – I’m off track, what happened to THE plan....This – was phase one of my re-epiphany. I got off track. “So what?” you might say. But you see - and I shout it from the rooftops - “I AM A COACH!” I’m a coach and I got off track. Is that supposed to happen to coaches? Isn’t that what I help my clients NOT to do? That stubborn ego was about ready to beat me up when phase two of the re-epiphany occurred. What a wonderful reminder of how important coaching really is. Everyone gets off track and that’s ok – really it is. But people like Gretchen and me help people get their caboose back on the track and I’m really proud of that.

So, take a little time out and think about your plan. Sometimes a reminder of our purpose, whether it’s in work, personal goals, relationships, or as a parent, simply gets us back on track and reminds us just how important our daily activities are in the big picture. Today, take some time to appreciate all of that hard work – give yourself a pat on the back. Heck, break out the champagne because YOU are unique and special. Celebrate yourself today!

Every Day I Worry!

2008-04-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Every so often – well, quite often – I hear a client or acquaintance say something like “Every day I worry that [fill in the blank].” Oh, it might be that the dog will get sick, or the kids will be late for school. Perhaps that the wife or husband will get into a traffic accident or the plane will be late. I almost wonder if it doesn’t matter what the “blank” is, just so there’s something to worry about!

What I’ve discovered – in my humble opinion – is that worry, for some, is simply a state of being. Worriers have usually picked up the habit either from a parent, or from a series of bad experiences in their past. It becomes their default thought mechanism and a part of who they are. When I’m coaching a worrier, I might suggest that we work on changing the habit. After all, life is so much more pleasant when one doesn’t go through their day predicting a fatal outcome for every event. Well, from my perspective at least.

The interesting piece is that worriers rarely want to change the habit. I find that they “worry” about who they will be without this piece of their thought process in tact. It’s been a part of them for so long that they don’t know who they’ll be without it. I can understand that. If your mind is so busy with worry much of the time, what will you think about when you choose not to worry? Hummm, a dilemma – and really, it is a serious one. When a chronic worrier comes into coaching, I do have a few tricks that often work….

Certainly, EFT – The Emotional Freedom Technique – is number one in the bag of tricks. If we minimize or eliminate the emotional attachment to those negative memories, an individual can learn to let go of worry thinking. But then, what do we replace the worry thinking with? Well, positive thinking of course!

Even if you’re not a chronic worrier, try these things – it just feels good and you’ll find your energy taking upward spin. Begin with a gratitude journal. Every night take 5 or 10 minutes to write about the good things that happened during your day. Shoot for 3 or more things. Now, in the beginning that can feel like a stretch. But remember, you don’t have to win the lotto or a trip to Hawaii (although that may happen) to qualify your entry into a gratitude journal. It may be something like a stranger holding a door open for you or a beautiful butterfly that landed on your screen door. If you begin to truly embrace the beauty of these things, your energy will shift over time….probably sooner than you’d expect.

Another little exercise is to look for the pleasant things around you when you’re waiting at a stoplight or standing in line at the grocery store. A dad holding his toddler’s hand while walking down the sidewalk; a couple laughing over an “inside joke;” a grocery clerk going out of her way to help a customer. Notice the things you wouldn’t have paid attention to in the past…you’ll be amazed at the pleasant experiences that you’ll draw into your life.

There are many more ways to shift to positive thinking, but this is a good start. If you know a chronic worrier who wants to change, perhaps you can introduce them to a process or two that may help. They may benefit from the assistance of a life coach or a therapist, depending on how chronic the worrying is. Remember, suggesting help to someone who is ready is just another way of telling them that you care.

Understanding Perspective

2008-04-02T05:59:00.000-07:00

I talk about perspective a lot when I’m working with clients. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that the world comes in many different colors and we all see them in our own distinct way. We sometimes have the tendency to assume or evaluate what another person meant when they did or said something-or didn’t do or say something that we expected them to.

My favorite example of this comes from when my kids were about 7 years old. Every night (or so it seems) I would tell them to feed and water the dogs. Every night this turned into a struggle of compliance and caused me great aggravation – them too I would suppose. I can’t even tell you how long this went on – urrggghhh!

Finally, one evening I spun on my children with a raised voice, “Why can’t you just do your job? This is YOUR responsibility!” Staring back at me were two sets of large, curious, and rather surprised baby blue eyes. “What?” I demanded. My twin daughters looked at one another as they always did when determining who would be the spokesperson for the issue at hand. Finally, Kim spoke up and said, “Mom, we didn’t know this was our job.”

How could this be possible when we went over this every single night of the week?! Of course it was their job, I told them to do it every night – didn’t they get it? So, that’s what I asked them, “What in the world do you mean, I tell you to do it every night!”

“But you never told us it was our job!” they exclaimed in unison.

Well, I couldn’t argue that one. From their perspective, until they were told in no uncertain terms and in very specific language, it was simply a chore I was asking them to perform to help me out in the moment. Hummmm. Who’s got something to learn here? Mom, that’s who!

So, I immediately cured my mistake and explained this responsibility to them, including exactly what was expected and why. They began to embrace this important task and even made a feeding chart that they could initial each day when one of them completed the chore! Sure, there were nights when it was still a struggle to get the dogs fed, but never as bad as it was before this important revelation. The girls embraced their responsibility as well as any 7-year-old might do.

I learned so much from my kids on that day. I’ve learned a lot from them over the last 21 years! But this one really stands out for me. Igrasped the importance of two-way communication and understanding as well as how things can look from another’s perspective. No one is necessarily right, no one is wrong, it just is.

How well do you communicate with the people in your life? Do you give your employees proper direction or do you assume that they will think the same way as you do? Do you communicate your perspective or understanding of a situation to prevent misunderstandings in your relationships? Do you expect that others should “know how you feel” without giving them the advantage of a dialogue? Share your stories and examples here!

Procrastination or Intuition?

2008-03-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I swear, I can procrastinate with the best of them. I coach people around procrastination and other self-induced detours all day long, yet I manage to fall into the trap myself from time to time. Yuck!

But I learned an important lesson recently - as I was begrudgingly analyzing my propensity toward the occasional procrastination party. I have been searching for just the right venue for my coaching workshops. Searching and searching. This one's not comfortable enough, that one is ridiculously expensive; the other is not conveniently located for my attendees. The search went slowly, and although the beautiful Naperville Library became an option, the procrastination gene kicked in and I just couldn't commit. Sooooo frustrating!

Something kept telling me to hold off. It was an internal struggle vacillating between, "Hey, what are you afraid of?" and "Listen to your intuition girl, the time isn't right yet." So, I chose to let go of the struggle and let it go; just wait....and listen. Ahhhhhh.

It was soon after the fascinating revelation that I should do exactly what I tell my clients to do - just let it go and listen to myself and the Universe, that I was out and about and received a phone call from a dear friend. We chatted for a bit, and she said, "oh, I forgot to tell you. Check out this place called the Clarus Center for a potential workshop site." Bam! Thank goodness I was in listening mode! I pointed the car in the direction of the nearby Clarus Center and found my workshop haven!

This beautiful place is surrounded by trees and wetlands. The interior is artistically built from sustainable resources - it's got a fireplace! This is it - it's me! It's exactly what I imagined and it's representative of everything that I believe in. My guests will feel surrounded by nature's nurturance and beauty.

So, I took my own coaching advice and the Universe came through. Listen to your body, your heart especially. There is a distinct difference in the way procrastination feels vs. your intuition telling you something important. Get in tune with your subconscious through meditation, yoga, or the tool of choice. It's so worth it.

Let Nature Coach You

2008-03-10T07:17:00.000-07:00

What do Spring and Life Coaching Have in Common? They both bring growth, change, and beauty from within. Spring offers a fresh, new look at the world, and so does life coaching. It’s a new opportunity to look at the areas of your life that don’t quite reflect who you want to be, where you want to be, and how to get there.

Many coaching clients sense the need for change, but don’t know where to begin. It’s ironic how nature can help; the key is to think about what you want, then just let the thoughts go. Take a walk in nature and feel appreciation for the miracles happening around you at this amazing time. As you allow feelings of gratitude, your brain will release stress and your mind will often find the answers for you. Simply allow them to come; don’t over-analyze, just let them unfold and see if your intuition offers hints at what action to take.

Don’t fret if you don’t see results on your first nature walk. You may catch your subconscious mind by surprise when you consciously ask for its help, so give it some time. Meanwhile, as you walk and enjoy what spring has to offer, the benefits are many – and you’ll also have time to appreciate – YOU.

I Hate Change-Unless It Makes My Life Easier!

2008-02-27T07:39:00.000-08:00

The name of this post is an exact quote from a friend’s co-worker. Hummm, “I hate change – unless it makes my life easier.” I chuckled when I first heard this, but then I realized that millions of people feel that way…how fascinating…Let’s think about it. Certainly change for the sake of ease and comfort is a good thing and I’m all for it if means progress. But do we always know upfront whether or not a change in our lives will result in disaster or pleasure? Certainly not, so why judge it?

Change comes neatly packaged in all sorts of life experiences. From tragedy, to being forced into a new job, and even finding new love. Having a baby creates change in one’s life, but it certainly doesn’t make life any easier! In the end, change often brings joy into our life, even if we forsake the comfort of routine and simplicity. So why do so many of us resist it so?

Change is such a hot topic that there are books written about, seminars given to address it, highly compensated consultants brought in to address corporate executives and their teams. Urgh! Change! It’s costing America millions! But beyond the millions of dollars are the millions of headaches and fears that are costing us even more. What would happen if we weren’t so resistant to the dreaded – c-h-a-n-g-e?

Well, let’s take a look at why we resist it so. From my experience, both with clients, and my own life experiences, it seems that we often view change as a bad thing. It forces us out of our comfort zone and into the unknown. It means that we’ll have to adjust, think harder, and learn something about ourselves that may not be pleasant to face. Change is like stirring the pot; mixing flavors of the past, future, and present to create either a delectable feast or a culinary disaster. We don’t always know what’s about to occur – and the unknown is a scary place!

So, how can we embrace change a bit more optimistically? First, don’t forecast the outcome with pure negativity. Look at all sides including the potential for good in change. Let’s say that you have an employee who just gave notice. “OK, Jane isn’t the best at what she does, but I could trust her to get the job done,” you might say. “I don’t have time to find AND train a new employee,” you think. “What if I can’t find the right person?” and “How are the clients going to take the news?” Sure, it’s easy to let our minds go to all of the negative possibilities. But if you can train your mind to go to the positive possibilities you’ll almost always get good stuff out of any kind of change.

In this case, what if replacing Jane offers you an opportunity to change the job description and get more of the marketing off of your plate? Jane didn’t have great marketing skills, but this could be a prerequisite for the new hire. Perhaps you had to work hard to motivate Jane – now you could hire a self-starter and you know what you’re looking for. When you hired Jane, you just started the business and you weren’t so sure…. Well, you get the picture.

Even under the most tragic of circumstances, we can find the positive in change. I use the example of my husband’s death a number of years ago. This topic could be a book, but to abbreviate the outcome, I insisted on creating the most positive of possible scenarios during this painful time in my life. I took the time to be alone and get to know what I really wanted in my life, now that my goals had to be different. I spent more one-on-one time with my then 8-year-old twin daughters and became both parents to them. As a result we are closer today than I believe we ever would have otherwise been. I took in each experience as I received from support and love from others. These were all invaluable life lessons that contribute to my ability to be a supportive and well-rounded coach today. A career that seems custom built for me.

The next time you see change coming about and your mind goes into fear mode, STOP. Sit yourself down and write a list of all the possible positive shifts that could occur in your life as a result of this change. Even if it’s a small change in office procedure or in your business – how could this change have a positive impact on you? Train your mind to go toward this healthier line of thought. You will be amazed at the impact this will have on your life! Yay! I love change!

The Law of Attraction Unfolds

2008-02-18T07:13:00.000-08:00

I’ve been on an inspirational and humbling journey with one of my magnificent clients. Rita came to me about 4 months ago with a fabulous business in place, but the outlook wasn’t entirely positive. This business holds incredible potential and is the brainchild of this amazing woman. Yet, Rita was not receiving the support from those around her, and her business was suffering. When a client tells me that, I immediately begin to go to work on the client’s perception of the world around them. After all, those around us usually mirror what we are feeling within. In the rare instances where I find that’s not true, I usually help the client look at their options to surround themselves with like-kind thinkers and believers. But in Rita’s case a more positive outlook is unfolding.

Rita had a wonderful foundation in place for believing in herself, embracing her spirituality, and her self-esteem was there – just a little broken. So, we went through my values process over the course of a couple of weeks. Rita was better able to understand who she is and why certain pieces of her life make her unhappy. After working on this and more, I recommended a book that Rita was now ready to read: “Ask and It Is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Now this book won’t have much of an impact on those who aren’t ready to embrace Universal Law, but for Rita it was time.

She emailed me a week later exclaiming that she finally “gets it!” In our session that week she said, “Marla, I’m not going to make a million dollars this year. I’m going to make 10 million dollars this year!” and you know what? I believed her. We worked on attraction and things that she could put into action to bring this goal/dream to fruition. Now, I remind you, that this is one of the reasons I am a coach. When one of my clients says, “I get it” I can’t begin to tell you what it does to me inside. The level of joy that I feel is nothing short of amazing. So, my journey with Rita is incredibly precious to me. Now when a client not only gets it, but also makes it happen – well, there’s not much that tops that in my book. Rita is going to make it happen. Last week, after a short blurb about her business in a major magazine, Rita was contacted by not one, not two, but three major investors. These meetings – meetings that most entrepreneurs only dream of – are scheduled to begin this week. Holy Cow! Millions and millions of dollars because Rita turned a corner and put herself into action!

Rita is thankful for this on-going coaching experience, and that is humbling, indeed. But I am thankful as well. These are the experiences a coach lives for and Rita has made yet another dream come true for this coach.

How does the Law of Attraction work for you? Do you attract negative people and situations into your life? If so, please look at your thought process. Begin a gratitude journal, look for beauty through out your day. This small change will begin to work miracles for you.

Overcoming Self-Doubt

2008-02-18T07:08:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in the coffee shop pondering the topic of my next blog post, I’m listening to the beautiful song, “Have a Little Faith in Me.” I had to stop my thought process to take in the lyrics and enjoy the gentle, yet moving melody. A thought came to mind about the negative beliefs held by many, which boil down to lack of faith in themselves. Then, BINGO! The topic of my next (this) post hit me. Self-doubt: the poisonous venom that runs through the mind of so many very talented entrepreneurs. So, you see – we actually have two topics here. The problem of lack of faith in one’s self and the amazing Law of Attraction, because I closed my eyes to listen and this topic idea was born. So, since I write frequently about the Law of Attraction (LOA) let’s talk more about lack of faith and self-doubt. Not to diminish the amazing experience of manifestation – for which I am always and deeply grateful.

I think most of us do it from time-to-time; allow those debilitating thoughts of self-doubt to creep through our minds. “Who am I to take this on?” or “I’m not smart enough to do this.” Thoughts like these run through the minds of even the most brilliant individuals. Do you ever experience this? I sure do! So, here are some exercises that I’ve found helpful and I have my clients do as an antidote to this poisonous obstruction to productivity. Of course, the most powerful process is the energy psychology that I often employ in sessions. That’s EFT and you can read more about at my website. But in addition to The Emotional Freedom Technique experience, these steps prove to be quite effective.

When you encounter limiting thoughts that lead to self-doubt, take a moment to acknowledge what you are experiencing. Think about the individual phrases moving through your head and write them down. Let’s say the thought du jour is “I’m not smart enough to pull this off.” (You’d be amazed at how many brilliant and successful people have this tape running in the background.) Now, you have the header of a column called “I’m Not Smart Enough.” Under the header write down 10 things, that’s right 10 things, that you’ve achieved in the last 5 years that required a rather intelligent thought process to pull off. Don’t be shy about it. Have you scored great grades in a difficult class? Have you begun your own company and helped clients/customers solve a problem? Have you helped your child process some difficult experiences? Come on, how do you use that amazing brain in your head? Oh, you have more than 10? – great! Keep writing. Now go back up to the header name and change it to “I AM Smart!”

Now, I want you to compose an email to AT LEAST three people who know you. When I did this, I told these people I was looking at some angles for marketing my business. I asked them to list 3-5 things that they believe I do well. What do they see in me that makes me a good coach? Well, if these responses weren’t a boost then nothing is. No one stopped at 3 things and good wasn’t an adjective any of them used. I got words like, amazing, rare, astounding – well, you get the picture. Now add a second column next to “I AM Smart” and call it “How Others See Me.” Copy and paste, or write those phrases and adjectives into this column. Wow, how’s this picture shaping up?

One more exercise – and it’s not easy for some. Write down 100 of your top qualities. Be honest with yourself – in other words, don’t short change yourself! One word at a time, how would you describe yourself to the world? Good stuff only because that’s all that counts for this process. Do you make people laugh? Is integrity an important value? Are you a good friend? Are you witty or creative? Come on, you can do it – 100 things! If you have to list 10-15 a day, and it takes a while, that’s fine – take your time, the end result is the same.

Good job! Now, review the whole picture. Read your lists before you go to bed so that your conscious mind can embrace all these wonderful things about you. Refer to these lists when you’re feeling self-doubt. Keep in touch with the reality of your genius by reading and re-reading all this great stuff. Accept it – this is the real you. The other is sabotage and/or fear that is only as real as you allow it to be.

Tell us about your experience. How did this process help you shift your thoughts? Were there any stumbling blocks? Which part was the most difficult? Did any part of it come easier to you than you believed it would?

LifeMap Products

2008-02-08T06:49:00.000-08:00

I've been working hard in my business. Do you hear that? IN my business. That's a business coach talking and if you don't catch the irony, I teach people to work ON their business, not IN their business! Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love coaching. I will not stop coaching. But, I realize that I need to do more - and less.

So, I am following my own advice. I looked hard at my business, and as the old adage about the shoe cobblers kids being the last to have new shoes implies, this isn't easy! It's time for me to market a piece of "me" that isn't me. "What in the world is she talking about," you might ask. Well, these will be products that people can purchase without purchasing one-to-one coaching. I'm developing "Quick Taps" which are recorded files that will help people perform EFT more powerfully on their own.

Quick Taps are my first product initiative and, hey, I'm nervous! But I'm having a blast working on them. There will be Quick Taps to address lack of energy; achieving wealth; various anxiety issues, and many more. Yay! I'm learning so much and hopefully, my Quick Tap customers will learn and grow from this opportunity as well. Quick Taps will be available on the LifeMap website early this spring. Do you hear that? That is my commitment to a deadline...wooohooo!

If you have any ideas or input for me on this, PLEASE write to me or post here on the Got Stuck blog. I would love to hear from you!

What Is Life Balance Anyway?

2008-02-04T07:11:00.000-08:00

We’re hearing more and more about it; on-line, magazines, even the occasional newspaper article speaks about it. Book clubs, yoga classes, health clubs, church; everywhere we go it seems that the topic of life balance is the hot topic du jour. But what’s it mean? Is it the same for everyone? How do you know if you have it? How do you get it if you don’t? All good, and valid, questions.

Start by asking yourself what is most important to you in your life. Family values; health; mental stimulation; spirituality or religion; financial security, are just a few of the common answers. See if you can list 10 things/qualities that you absolutely do not want to live without. Instead of saying “that new Audi” try thinking about what that would mean to you. Why do you want the Audi? Is it symbolic of something? Does it mean you’ve “arrived”? Does it mean that you have achieved an income-level that makes you feel secure and happy? Whatever your answer, that is what we’re looking for, not simply the new Audi.

This list of 10 is what are now your top values ; the things that are most important to you and that will dictate whether or not you are living in balance. For instance, if you really value mental stimulation and your job is mundane, you’re not involved in anything outside of work that feeds you, and you are generally bored, then you are not in balance with one of your important values. You will most likely feel “out of kilter” and restless. Let’s look at another example: If your spirituality is important to you and you don’t take time to explore it and grow spiritually, then you are not in balance with your values. Again, you will feel out of sorts, perhaps confused or frustrated with your life as it is.

Take a look at your top 3 values and ask yourself how much time you spend cultivating them. If family is your top value and you spend 12 hours a day at work, well….you know where this is going.

The “balance” part is up to you. How can you distribute your time and energy into each area to feel happy and whole? Remember, it’s not simply the number of hours we’re looking at - it’s the quality as well. Are there things in your life that you need/want to change in order to experience the balance?

The understanding and realization are great first steps. Don’t expect to change your situation overnight. But you can change it. Remember to look at every part of your life when you feel lack in one of the areas that’s important to you. If you don’t feel the mental stimulation at work, it doesn’t mean you have to quit your job. Where else can you find what you need? What can you do today to lay the groundwork for change tomorrow? See “the big picture” and take one day at a time.

Tell us about what you’ve done to get a step closer to the beloved life balance that we all seek. It helps to have support, so let’s communicate!

So You Want Your Own Business….

2008-02-03T05:57:00.000-08:00

I don’t blame you. Being an entrepreneur can be an awesome experience. I’ve been involved in entrepreneurial activities for about a dozen years now and can’t imagine working for someone else ever again.

The main motivation for me to own a business is “freedom.” Freedom to make my own choices and decisions, freedom from corporate rules and politics, and from the structure and routine that typically dictates in the corporate environment. The problem is, if you don’t like structure and routine it takes an enormous amount of discipline and sacrifice to run your own company. So be careful what you ask for!

Many of the entrepreneurs and solopreneurs who come to me for coaching chose to embark on their entrepreneurial ventures for reasons that are common to the creative, entrepreneurial mind. They want to make their own decisions, be accountable only to themselves, and make lots of money. Often, by the time they come to me they’ve learned that they don’t get to make all the decisions, they are accountable to the clients, and money – well, there’s less and less of it.

So what do you have to know before taking the leap to “freedom?” Certainly, it depends on the type of business you plan to start, but here are some basic questions that you may want to ask yourself.
-Do you have a minimum of one year’s “salary” set aside for yourself? (more if you’re opening a storefront or renting space.)
-Do you have a system in place for project management and have the organizational skills to manage your clients/customers?
-Do you have a business plan that includes projections and a budget for the first year of business?
-Will you be able to do it all alone? How many hours a day will you have to work to provide the service, track the jobs, make your product, market the company, and whatever else is necessary?
-What is your marketing plan? How much money do you have to implement it? Remember, the “build it and they shall come” theory is rarely accurate.
-Will you need employees now or in the future? What experience do you have managing people and do you enjoy it?
-Do you have a budget to allow for repairs, new equipment, back up systems, and other necessary growth?
-Do you possess the skills, diplomacy, and personality necessary to connect with the customer/client – even when they are unhappy? (Hey, it happens.)

If you’re not certain about these things, or they are overwhelming to you, please, please, please, hire a good business coach. This investment will pay for itself many times over as you embark on what may be a very exciting and profitable venture. Protect yourself and your investment by planning wisely and swallowing a dose of reality. That’s a big demand for those of us with that creative, entrepreneurial mindset but it’s also an example of the discipline that you will need to run your own business.

Cooking Up a Recipe for Love - Update!

2008-01-28T06:24:00.000-08:00

A number of posts ago, I wrote about my decision to give intention to attracting that special person into my life. I spoke about noticing the things that I find attractive in the men I casually meet and giving thanks for bringing that quality into my scope of awareness; about adding “relationship” images that talk to me (and the Universe) to my vision board; I talked about being specific in identifying the qualities that are important to me in a partner, and about boosting my own self-confidence in this arena.

Well, I promised an update and here we go…

I’ve continued to stay fairly committed to the process. I say fairly because I know there’s more I could do, like actually go places where I may meet menJ - but, truthfully, I don’t know where those places are! I’ve spoken more freely to friends (and acquaintances) about this goal and I’ve taken action by – ok, don’t laugh – joining an on-line dating website!

It’s been a fun process with some movement forward. I’ve met a man at one of the coffeehouses I frequent. We simply chat from time-to-time, but it’s a fun, casual and flirty relationship. I did go out on a date with a wonderful man and hopefully we’ve begun a lasting friendship, but our overall values and goals weren’t compatible for a dating relationship. Both sets of values and goals are admirable mind you, just different directions. I do believe that this friendship will bring value to both of our lives, so that’s cool.

Most interestingly, and probably most significant, is that I’m running into and speaking to a larger number of men….ahhhh, The Law of Attraction at work! I think there’s something about this fact that tells me I’m moving in the right direction.

But I’ve also come to another awareness: I am so busy building my business that I think a dating relationship would be a distraction. So, as you see, I have a decision to make: either I shed that limiting belief and embrace that a relationship would increase my creativity and motivation to build my business, or I need to accept this belief as fact and just continue to have fun with this flirty little period of my life and believe that ….when the time is right…. Hummmmmm.
How about you? Any suggestions, comments, or insights? What is important to you and have you really applied LOA techniques to create change?

Saying Goodbye - or Hello?

2008-01-24T09:29:00.000-08:00

I said goodbye to a very dear friend tonight. Her name is Raine and she is 9 years old. I met Raine when she was only 4 and I knew then that I had much to learn from her.

Raine is moving all the way to Seattle with her Mom, who is also a dear friend. Since learning this news only days ago, I’ve been fearful of saying goodbye. It seemed the pain would be unbearable and I was pretty well convinced that I will never see Raine again. How would I say goodbye to a nine-year-old, knowing that tears will be free-flowing, and set a good example of faith in everlasting friendship? Raine and I have shared much together and through the trials and tribulations of her growing up in the 21st century, I learned to observe, share insight and know when to simply remain silent and just “be.”

Through all of my preparation and training to be a great coach, I never learned as much as I did from this very wise, very bright little girl. Tonight was no exception.

Raine was all laughter and charm – not quite what I expected on this bittersweet occasion. She was a nine-year-old through and through – the first time I’ve ever known her to act her age and not dance with life in the ways of a very old soul. I didn’t know what to do with this little person. It was like trying to say goodbye to a stranger. So, I asked. “Raine, are you avoiding me?” I received an instantaneous response. “Of course I am because I’m not going to cry tonight.”
I put on my coaches hat, thinking that she was avoiding her emotions, and I said, “But Raine, it’s natural to cry when you say goodbye to someone you love.”
Her quick response was, “But, you see Marla, I’m not going to say goodbye. I’m just going on a long trip and we’ll see each other another time. There’s no need for tears because long trips are fun and I know that I’ll get to see you again. It could even be on another planet!”

Raine was right, you know. I believe so strongly that those who are significant to us will return to us someday, somewhere. For some reason I didn’t apply that thinking to my friendship with a 9-year-old. There will come a day when Raine is physically in my life again. Until then, it’s not goodbye – it’s thank you for all you’ve taught me, Raine. You’re with me in spirit each day and every time you come to mind I say “hello” – not goodbye!

Mind Over - -- Eyes?

2008-01-23T05:40:00.000-08:00

The weather here in Chicago has mirrored the typical Midwest winters of years before. Cold, but with a fresh blanket of snow just often enough to help you forget that we're in the bitter, cold city and not the winter wonderland of a child's dreams.

With the snow, comes the ever-dreaded chore of shoveling. It's always fun the first time, but by the end of January it becomes another chore that the members of the household try to pass around like the last unwanted bite of dessert after a filling meal. "You do it, I did it last time," we say in our most convincing tone. Oh, the dreaded shoveling.

Yesterday morning was my turn; not that anyone's been keeping track anymore. I was stuck with the job and determined to enjoy it. Of course, I "just knew" that the kids didn't put the shovel back where it belonged. One glance at its designated corner told me I was right. Ok, well doesn't this make matters worse? I felt the aggitation beginning to churn as I combed the garage for the shovel so that I could do the chore that I least wanted to do. I went through my mental checklist of who might be the culprit and what ridiculous place I might find the shovel. I just knew it wasn't anywhere in the garage and I sure didn't see it anywhere. Well, who needs a shoveled sidewalk anyway? We only have about 2 more months of winter and we're bound to see a warm spell sooner or later. Nope, there will be no shoveling today - but boy was I aggravated (and secretly relieved).

The incident soon forgotten, I went on with my day. That is, until the girls came home from work and I had the opportunity to jump on the burning question. "Where in the world did you guys leave the shovel?" I couldn't wait for this answer. After all, why would you need to bring it indoors? It's certainly buried in the snow, useless and rusting. Well, wasn't I surprised to learn that they had actually hung the shovel on a peg right there in the garage, in a very logical place after all.

Hummm, this took some processing. I looked everywhere, I know I did. Soon, I realized that I didn't want to shovel the sidewalk AND I went into the garage with the anticipation of being unable to find the shovel because the girls never put anything back where it belongs. (Well, except for this one time).

Preconceived notions; illusions created by a strong-willed mind. Call it what you will, but I certainly learned from this reminder of how powerful the mind truly is. Going into our tasks without judgment or negative expectation is critical to success and peace of mind. I know that had I seen the shovel I would have enjoyed the task of communing with mother nature - and I would have felt a sense of accomplishment for the exercise and feeling of completion. I deprived myself of this because I had judged the circumstances and therefore blinded myself to the obvious. Thankfully, this time it resulted only in a case of unshoveled snow.

What kinds of things do you close your eyes to - or judge? Remember the mood that results when we judge. Wouldn't life be more pleasant and simple if we could just allow?

Communicating With Your Employees

2008-01-16T06:38:00.001-08:00

Many of my wonderful clients are entrepreneurs who are hiring in larger numbers as their businesses grow. In my experience, most of the entrepreneurs who enter into coaching are struggling with finding the right employee or keeping their employees happy. My observation is that many of these businesses started out as "kitchen table" ideas and have grown into full-blown enterprises. With that said, who do you think is the company’s first employee? Well, that would be a best friend, a sister or brother, a mother, or cousin. A few years later, we have a can of worms bursting at the seams.

Here's why. When a business is in the conceptual stages, an entrepreneurial mind is stimulated beyond belief. It's exciting, it's challenging, and it’s all the things that make that person tick. So we join forces with whoever is at the kitchen table with us and begin our foray into the world of business.

Typically, the entrepreneur will see the need to grow, learn, invest, and work harder and harder. But the "partner" or employee often stays behind. They saw this as just a fun little adventure and they never intended for it to take over their lives. Moreover, the entrepreneur feels ethically bound to this person; after all that person was there at the beginning and did a lot of work to get the business off the ground.

I'm going to let you in on a secret. If this is where you are at in your business, you AND your employee(s) are unhappy. Open communication is the key here. No one likes being in a position where they are feeling the daily tension that can result from a problem like this. No one feels good about himself or herself if they know they are not meeting the expectations of a good friend and/or boss. The result is one or more of many negative reactions; anger, low self esteem, sarcasm, mistakes, even revenge.

So, and I can't express this enough, talk to your employees. Even if you feel this may be a confrontational situation, do it. Ask them what their goals and dreams are and if they include staying with the company. If so, in what capacity? What do they most love doing, what do they feel are their greatest strengths? Remember, you have probably grown into your roles with the company out of necessity, not always keeping your skills and interests in mind. So re-evaluate. What does your employee really want? What is are their professional goals? You may even find that they are staying with the company only because they don’t want to let you down. Sometimes this evaluation leads to turnover, sometimes into restructuring. Whichever it is, it will lead to greater productivity, growth, and most importantly - lower stress!
Share your story with us and let's talk about it!

Introduction to The Law of Attraction

2008-01-09T05:47:00.000-08:00

As a child I used to pretend that I could move things without touching them. Deep down inside I truly felt that there was some validity to the game and often wondered if I could "teach" my brain to move physical things around. How fun would that be? Imagine the tricks you could play on your parents when they told you to clean your room or put the dishes away! Gosh, how I wished I could move things with my brain!

As an adult I hung on to threads of that belief. Is the brain powerful enough to say, bring me my cell phone? How fun! Then I was introduced to the world of Metaphysics - the study of the mind outside of the body. That sounds scary, but really it's about spirituality, human beings as energy, and the power of thought. I've been studying Metaphysics for years now and it has transformed my life. It's also made me realize that my childhood fantasy wasn't entirely out of the question.

While we haven't learned to harness the power of the mind to this degree yet, moving objects is not entirely out of the question. But what we can do is much more powerful if you really think about it. We can use our thoughts as magnets, that's right, The Law of Attraction. If you're not familiar with this amazing ability I strongly suggest reading "Ask and It Is Given" by Esther and Jerry Hicks. This book (I recommend purchasing the book, not the CD's - or both) is a great beginner's resource.

The energy of the mind is truly a part of the larger Universal Energy and we each have the power to tap into that. Start small and know that this is a study that will lead to total transformation if you desire it and are willing to commit to it. You can attract your dreams; the new car; new job; the love of your life. As long as there is no ill intent and you do not try to control the lives of others, you can attract life-altering changes into your life.

Read "Ask" and begin with one small exercise. Let me know how it goes and let's use this forum to learn and teach more! What will you change in your life?

Presents or Presence?

2007-12-14T06:43:00.000-08:00

Christmas this year brings something very different for our family. You see, there is a 20-year time span between the youngest and the eldest sibling - there are 7 of us. By the time my little sister Janine was born, El had moved out of the family home to start a family of her own. We've all gone our own ways, making lives for ourselves in different states, as far away as Hawaii. Never, in the history of our family have we all been together under the same roof for Christmas - can you imagine that?

So, last winter my big brother threw an idea out there: "Hey, why don't you all (ya'll) come to Atlanta next Christmas?" He now admits that he never really believed any of us would take him up on the idea. Whereas, I don't believe that any of us even hesitated! So here we are, bringing lots of business to the airlines as 40 or more, including grandchildren and their children, prepare to hop on a holiday flight to sunny Atlanta. I'm so excited!

Since we've decided to all participate in a fun holiday grab bag, there's not much shopping to do. Now that feels odd. My kids received plane tickets this year and another very special gift; the opportunity to spend the holidays with cousins, aunts, and uncles from various parts of the world. What's really cool is that my Mom is a vibrant, healthy, 87-year-old and this is most likely the Christmas gift of a lifetime for her. I can't wait to see her residing over one of the most festive holiday meals ever – and she’s not preparing it.

So, while I'm kind of missing the excitement of gift giving and holiday shopping, I know that our presence at this family reunion is the greatest gift any of us could possibly give or receive. Watching my girls, my Mom, nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, all take delight in this time together promises to be the most precious experience. You can't put a bow on this, but I'm certain that the surprises will be many!

What is the greatest gift you've prepared this year? How do you think outside of the box when you're gift giving? Remember, the gift of time has limitless value and brings the greatest joy!

Happy Holidays!

Resolution vs. Gratitude

2007-12-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

Welcome to that time of the year that says “tradition.” It’s fun to look forward to some traditions, but what about – The New Year’s Resolution? It brings a shiver to my spine! Promising resolutions are made with great determination and high energy as we commit to losing weight, gaining income, or achieving life balance. Typically though, by February these well-intentioned plans fall to the wayside only to leave us with a sense of failure and defeat.

So, why do we set ourselves up to fail? Well, some see the New Year as an opportunity to “start over.” Some feel a renewed sense of excitement brought on by holiday spirit. Perhaps plain old-fashioned guilt is your motivation? Whatever the reason, we make promises to ourselves in hopes to cure the winter doldrums and resolve our daily challenges. But it’s just not working, so what’s the real solution if not the annual resolution to create change?

Gratitude. That’s it; one word; one feeling; one monumental step toward your dreams. Taking time each day to express gratitude to others, The Universe, God, Buddha, whomever, whatever you believe in – that’s the answer. This daily exercise is the single most effective activity that may spur you toward your dreams and goals. As you write short, daily notes about the little, joyous events in your life, your internal energy level rises. This energy compounds itself with each journal entry and takes us toward new awareness’s, resulting in positive change.

If you are in a difficult place in life, you may have to start small: the beautiful snowflakes on the window ledge; a smile from a stranger; the sound of children’s laughter. Anything that brings a touch of joy to your heart will do the trick. Shoot for 3 brand-new gratitude journal entries per day. Short, sweet, and to the point.

Now here’s the trick. Each day, as you write, pay attention to your heart. Feel the gratitude develop into joy, if only for a moment. Consider your heart a bank for the deposits of joy. When you have enough saved up, your life will begin to change and wonderful things will come your way.
Post your results here! If you have questions - feel free to ask. Believe me, this practice has changed my life!

Happy Gratitude Day!

2007-11-22T05:31:00.000-08:00

What a cool night I had last night - while I was sleeping! For me, every day is Thanksgiving. I wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night thanking the Universe for all of the blessings that I have in my life. I keep a gratitude journal, a simple little book of appreciation with short, little snippets of joyful moments pouring off of each page.

Last night, as I was sleeping, my conscious mind would drift to the surface every now and then with an awareness of yet another precious piece of life to be grateful for. Then, with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, I would drift off to sleep again. What a wonderful way to come into this very special day of thanks.

The way I see Thanksgiving is as an official Holiday for gathering together all of the thoughts of gratitude that I send out to the Universe each day. When you do that, how could you help but feel blessed!?

So, on this official holiday of thanks, I thank the Universe for each of you; each of my wonderful clients, and so much more. And I'm grateful that I am able to give thanks each day, not just on this day called Thanksgiving. Perhaps you too could begin a gratitude journal? It brings so much awareness and joy to life. Even on down days, you will find things to be thankful for. The exercise is healing and uplifting. On really down days, reading the journal can help bring you back up the emotional scale to a happier place.

What are you grateful for? Tap into the most inner-parts of yourself, think about your gifts, talents, passion, and loving abilities. Don't forget that the parts deep-down within are the most precious of gifts of all and all of your world will flourish when you are in touch with those most important parts of self.

Fake It Till You Make It

2007-11-22T05:20:00.000-08:00

My coaching practice is loaded with professional, successful entrepreneurs and corporate clients. I coach successful people – yes I do. And since this blog is based on honest, open communication, I will be totally upfront here – sometimes I wonder why I am able to attract, and successfully coach, such an incredible clientele. Now, let me tell you, I’ve come a long way. When I first began coaching a number of years ago, I would often think – “Who in the world am I to help people with their life problems? What do I know?” I would ignore my many successes, chalk them up to “luck,” and worry about someone finding out (in spite of my studies, certifications, and experience) that I was faking my way through each session.

Whew! It’s good to get that off my chest. Now-a-days these doubts are minor blips on the radar that probably fall into the “normal range.” However, many of my clients seem to show very similar “symptoms” and could probably be diagnosed as having a chronic case of what we call - The Imposter Syndrome. Some of the people I meet outside of my practice, say, in the coffee house and at networking events, often show the signs as well. It would make total sense that I draw these people to myself for three reasons: 1) Having gone through it myself I am acutely aware of the signs and symptoms, 2) when we are meant to do something specific in life, like help others with specific issues, that subject will haunt us until we listen to the Universe and succumb to the pressure, and (3) the fact that this little known, little understood thing called The Imposter Syndrome runs rampant in the minds of successful and intelligent people.

So, what do you do if you have these limiting thoughts more often than you’d like? How in the world do you start believing in yourself when this has been your thought pattern for as long as you can remember? How much more successful will you become if you can tame this beast?

Start by knowing that you are not alone. Seriously, I address this problem at least once a day in my coaching sessions. At one time or another, I believe that everyone goes through a period in life (at the very least) when thoughts of being a “fake” or “imposter” are limiting to their productivity and self-worth.

Consider coaching as a strong resource for growth and further understanding of yourself and your limiting thought patterns. A safe and nurturing coaching relationship is certainly the quickest way to overcome these self-defeating thought patterns. Begin to keep a log of your limiting beliefs. Ask yourself which are not reality based and which are truly areas to target for self-growth. Give yourself mini rewards for your successes – celebrate them! Talk to others about The Imposter Syndrome – you’ll be surprised to learn that once you open up others will do the same. This is a freeing experience and helps to kick the legs out from under this otherwise sturdy foundation of limiting beliefs.
Please share your experiences, successes, and feedback about The Imposter Syndrome. Let’s support one another here in this wonderful community of friends.

Cooking Up a Recipe for Love?

2007-11-05T07:43:00.000-08:00

Cooking up a new idea or intentionally creating change in your life can sometimes be a long, slow simmering process. The ingredients for change often wait patiently on the back burner until everything is in place and ready to serve up some major shifts in your life. I find this process absolutely fascinating and I'm so glad that I am (usually) at a place where I can sit back and watch in awe as my ideas become more flavorful and little tidbits of change introduce themselves on a more regular basis. I love manifesting positive change and watching it unfold before my eyes! It's like a science experiment with lots of unknowns - or creating a gourmet feast for the pallet without a cookbook. What fun! - Here's my latest...

Fall seems to be the time of year when I like to play with the idea of attracting that "special someone" into my life. There's something about the lovely scent of burning firewood and the crispy crunch of colorful leaves underfoot that conjure up warmth thoughts of a fun relationship and cozy evenings at home. So this fall, I decided to try a "science experiment" and put some intention into bringing some flirtatious fun into me life! Crazy, huh? Let's see what happens - I'll keep you posted, but so far here's where I'm at.

Riley, my wonderful, floppy-eared dog, and I were walking in the woods this weekend and I thought, "OK, so who will we meet today and how can I state the intention of meeting this person?" So I visualized meeting someone (a cute, male someone) who would be fun to chat with for a while. Sure enough, Riley found an adorable little pooch named Sammy to romp around with - and the cool part was that Sammy's dad was pretty cute too! We chatted for about 10 minutes and then went our separate ways. I really enjoyed talking with Sammy's dad so I put together a mental list of the qualities I found so appealing: funny, good listener, nature lover, charming, articulate, smart, great eyes and smile, and obviously a dog lover too!

I feel one step closer to finding a nice guy to hang out with because I attracted these qualities into my life already - albeit in a sort of temporary way. But that's OK because I know the Universe is listening! How cool is that?!

While I'm extremely happy with my life sans the significant other, it sure is fun to explore the possibilities and see what comes along. The trick here is (I believe) letting go of the outcome. As I give intention to consciously creating this change, I also allow that it may not be time or that I may need to be "alone" for a longer period of my life. And that's OK - it just is what it is...and I'm incredibly happy either way. Yay! I love cooking and I love science. I feel like I'm bringing both interests into my life as I cook up intentional change and watch what happens.

Do you have examples of creating change with intent? What kind of fun do you like to have with this wonderful process? I'll keep you posted on mine!